Redwall goes Wicked
by sugarplumballet
Summary: This story is extremely random. It's about random Redwall characters going to see Wicked and then putting it on. There's a ton of screaming, bad singing, dancing, and acting and has a ton of Wicked spoilers, so don't read it if you plan to see it.
1. Chapter 1

It was a cold day in Redwall Abbey. There were many creatures in one room. There was a TV in the front of the room. The animals, which were all from different books and times, were very irritated. Especially as the author threw in their enemies.

"So we are here why?" an annoyed mouse asked.

"Because I told you to," the author said, "Don't worry. You'll have fun."

"Are we late?ཀ" Martin panted as he ran in the room with Rose.

"Oh no, you're just in time," the author replied.

"JUST IN TIME FOR WHAT??" everyone yelled.

"The movie. The Wizard of Oz," she replied, "Now I know you're asking, what the heck are you talking about, but you'll see." The creatures watched, either enraptured, annoyed or bored. It finished and everyone got up and moved toward the door. "Not so fastཀ" The door slammed shut. "Don't you want to know why I made you watch that?"

"Not really, now let's go!" Mattimeo said, pulling on the door.

"Yes you do. Now listen. You're going to see the awesomest, coolest, best musical ever. Wickedཀ" Blank stares. "I'll explain. It's a musical about what happened before Dorothy dropped in. The untold story of the witches of Oz. It's about how one became good and one wicked and their adventures together," the author gushed.

"Okaaaaaay . . . why?" Constance grumbled.

"'Cause, ok? Now hold on tight!" the author yelled. Then they found themselves all squished on an Underground train.

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH THIS IS SCARY!!!!" Cluny screamed, clinging on for dear life on a pole.

"IT'S ALL DARKISH OUTSIDE!!!!" Slagar wailed.

"You're not going to die," Matthias sneered, "We're on some kind of train."

"_This is a District Line train to Wimbledon," _A posh woman's voice was heard. _"Next stop, Victoria." _

"Author, can you pretty please tell us where we're going?" Martin said, curling his paws into fists.

"The Apollo Victoria Theatre. Now stick together, this is your stop." The animals got off at Victoria Station, crossed the road and looked up blankly.

"Now what are we looking for?" Cornflower asked.

"A building that says 'Apollo Victoria' and is green with a poster with a lady with a white hat on whispering in a green lady's ear. Now go!" They walked until they saw the theatre.

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHH IT'S SHINY!!!!" Cluny gasped.

"It looks funny! Heeee!" Slagar giggled. They walked into the lobby which was lit by green back lights.

"IT'S ALL GREENISH!!!" Cluny shrieked.

"Are you mental or something? Wait . . . don't answer that . . . that was a rhetorical question . . . " Matthias reminded himself. Cluny just cackled strangely. Slagar and Badrang were admiring the Ozdust gift shop items.

"Those are for later. Now go to your seats. You're row F." the author said.

"Coolཀ We're so close to the front!" Tess clapped her hands together. The girls and . . . the girly men ran down the ramp excitedly. The more manly creatures dragged their feet.

"Why do we have to see a musical? Musicals are for sissies! I can't stand them!" Martin complained.

"C'mon Martin! It'll be so much fun!" Badrang squealed.

"That was extremely wrong . . . " Rose muttered.

"Ok, these are the seats. Martin, Rose, Badrang, Cluny, Matthias, Cornflower, Mattimeo, Slagar, Tess, Constance, Basil, Ironbeak, Dotti, and Ungatt Trunn. Happy? Ok!" the author assigned seats.

"WHAT?!! I'm NOT sitting next to him!" Rose, Matthias, Mattimeo, Tess, and Dotti yelled.

"That's too bad for you," the author replied nonchalantly.

"Humph," they slumped back in their seats.

"Author? When is this thing gonna start?" Ironbeak asked.

"Later. Now look at the stage!"

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH IT'S ALL SHINY AND SPARKLY-ISH!!! I LIKE SPARKLY THINGS!!!" Cluny screeched.

"Geez! What is wrong with you?" Matthias said, disturbed.

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"It's a map of Oz," Dotti said.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," an annoyed Constance growled. She really didn't want to be there.

"OH MY GOD!! MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYY!!!! IT'S A SCARY DRAGON!!!" Cluny screamed at the top of his lungs, hiding under his chair.

"AHHHHHHHHHH WHERE??" Slagar screeched.

"HEEEEELLLLLLPPPP!!" Badrang yelled. People in the audience stared.

"It's not real stupids," Cornflower sneered, "Is it going to move or something?"

"You'll see. Now the show is about to start," the author said. They waited. And waited. And waited. And . . .

"Shut up!" Martin yelled. But his words were drowned out by BA-BABA-BA-BA-BAA (DU-DUN) BA-BABA-BA-BABA (DU-DUN) BA-BABA-BA-BABA-BA-BABA-BAAAA (Yes, I'm obsessed)

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" Cluny wailed. Everyone jumped out of their skin at the sudden start. They watched in amazement (or in the case of some, boredom), gasping, smiling, and laughing through the first act. During the intermission, Cluny, Slagar, and Badrang skipped off to buy ice cream singing, "POPULAR! I KNOW ABOUT POPULAR,"

"That was extremely wrong . . . " Rose muttered for the second time that day. The annoyed creatures grumped.

"Man, this thing is so predictable! I mean, 'Life's more painless for the brainl-" Martin complained until he was interrupted.

"Shh-shh-shh-SHHHHHHHH!!!"the author hurriedly screamed, "Don't give it away!!"

"Give WHAT away?" everyone asked (except Martin).

"That Fiyero is gonna . . . " Martin explained

"NOTHING!! STOP!! You'll see!" the author put duct tape on Martin's mouth.

"Gump-his-fling-suff-of-meh!" Martin struggled.

"He said, 'Get this beeping stuff off of me,'" Rose translated.

"If he promises to stop," the author reasoned.

"Alrgh," Martin grumbled.

" He said, 'All right'," Rose translated again. The duct tape came off.

"That was amazing when she flew! Was it real? Was it magic?" Dotti asked.

"What do you think?" Constance glared at her.

"Geez! You are very touchy ma'am!" Dotti glared back.

"Act Two is starting!" the author announced. They watched in amazement and terror for Act Two. They were shocked by the labeling put on Elphaba and Glinda. They gasped as Nessa blamed Elphaba for Boq's transformation. They cheered for Elphaba and Fiyero. They were extremely shocked (except for Martin who said, "I told you so") by Fiyero turning into the Scarecrow. The girls and . . . girly men cried at 'For Good' and the melting. And they gasped and cheered at the finale.

"That was amazing!" Cornflower gasped while leaving the theatre.

"I want a program!" Rose said.

"I want a shirt!" Dotti said.

"I WANT A PINK 'POPULAR' SHIRT!!!" Cluny yelled.

"That was extremely, extremely wrong!" Rose muttered for the third time. They went off to the Ozdust Gift Shop.

"Alexia Khadime, Dianne Pilkington, Oliver Tompsett . . . " Rose read off the program, "Oooo so that's who played Fiyero. He's so dreamy," she said a little too loudly.

"What did you just say?" Martin whirled around upon hearing 'dreamy'.

"Uhhh . . . Nothing . . . " Rose said backing away slowly and handing the program to Cornflower.

"Are you sure?" Martin said under clenched teeth.

"Yes . . . " Rose said, putting her hands up.

"Alexia Khadime can really sing!" Cornflower exclaimed.

"I love Dianne's Galinda voice. I wonder if it's real," Dotti wondered aloud.

"What do you think?" Constance grumbled.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," Dotti scowled.

"Everybody ready? Let's head back," the author said. They found themselves back at Redwall.

"We should put on our own production!" Rose, Cornflower, Tess, Dotti, Badrang, Cluny and Slagar said.

"No, we shouldn't," everyone else said backing away.

"Yes we should!"

"No, we shouldn't!"

"It'll be fun!" Tess said.

"No, it won't!"

"C'mon you guys! Otherwise one of . . . these people will have to be Fiyero," Rose pointed at the three villains.

"Ok, ok, ok sure. I guess. If we have to," the others grumbled.

"Yippee! Make a sign, 'WICKED auditions, Sat. 1 P.M.," Cornflower said excitedly.

"Uggg . . . " was the majority's response.

_Well this is my first ever fanfic and this chapter is probably really boring, but I promise you that the others will be better. I needed an opening though._


	2. Auditions

The Abbey dwellers hustled and bustled, building a complex stage and theatre. Excitement loomed in the air. Mixed with the B.O. coming off of the vermin. The auditions were set to begin in one hour. Cornflower, Tess, and Badrang paced nervously in the waiting room.

"What are you so nervous about?" Matthias asked.

"Am I good enough for Glinda?" Cornflower asked, rehearsing her Galinda voice.

"Of course you are," Matthias said, holding back the laughter bubbling inside him at how ridiculous she sounded.

" Uh-Uh-Uh hu! Auditions are about to begin! Check your number and get in line!" Ambrose announced. Everyone scrambled into line, pushing and shoving. Some were warming up their voices wile others were stretching.

"Number one!"

"Ooo! It's me!" Slagar bounced up and down. He bounded into the room.

"What are you auditioning for Slagar?" the author (also director) asked.

"The Wizard!" he answered.

"Ok hit me," the author closed her eyes. Slagar cleared his throat and began.

"_You get the best of both worlds  
Chillin' out take it slow  
Then you let yourself go  
You get the best of both worlds  
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both  
(You know the best) You know the best of both worlds_

Pictures and autographs  
You get your face eaten up by Asmodeus-y

_The best parts that you get to be who ever you wanna be_

Yeah the best of both  
You get the best of both  
Come on best of both

Who would of thought that a fox like me  
Would double as a super villain?

You get the best of both worlds  
Without the mask and the glare  
You can go anywhere

You get the best of both guys  
Mix it all together  
Oh yeah  
It's so much better cuz you know you've got the best of both worlds"

"Okkk . . . that was . . . um . . . interesting . . . " the author tried to think of something to say that wasn't mean, "NEXT PLEASE!!" Martin came in reluctantly, looking very embarrassed. "Hello Martin. What part are you auditioning for?"

"Fiyero"

"Go ahead. And for this one, I need a dance number too."

"WHAT? You never told me that!" Martin cried out indignantly.

"You never asked," the author answered smugly.

"Uggg" He sang.

"_I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far_"

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

I watched you die  
I heard you cry every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
I never thought of anyone else  
I just saw my pain  
And now I cry in the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I try my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you  
I am afraid  
Because of you  
Because of you

"Oh Martin... you're making me cry! Anyway, now for your dance number." Martin awkwardly started to imitate Oliver Tompsett. "Very nice. NEXT PLEASE!" Badrang entered skipping.

"I'm auditioning for Fiyero and I'm singing 'That's Amore'."

"Isn't that a drunk song?" the author asked warily.

"Uhh . . . " Badrang smiled weirdly. Then he burst out in song.

"_When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie  
That's amore  
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine  
That's amore  
Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling  
And you'll sing "__Vita bella"__  
Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay  
Like a gay tarantella_

_When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool  
That's amore  
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet  
You're in love  
When you walk down in a dream but you know you're not  
Dreaming signore  
Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli  
That's amore__"_

"Ok . . . NEXT PLEASE!!" Tess entered the room. "What are you auditioning for?"

"Nessa and I'll be singing Colours of the Wind."

"_You think you own whatever land you land on  
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim  
But I know every rock and tree and creature  
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name_

You think the only people who are people  
Are the people who look and think like you  
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger  
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon  
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?  
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?  
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?  
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest  
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth  
Come roll in all the riches all around you  
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brother

_The heron and the otter are my friends_

_And we are all connected to each other  
In a circle, in a hoop that never endsHow high will the sycamore grow?  
If you cut it down, then you'll never know  
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon_

For whether we are white or copper skinned  
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains  
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind

_You can own the Earth and still  
All you'll own is Earth until  
You can paint with all the colors of the wind" _

"Beautiful. NEXT PLEASE!" Ironbeak entered.

"I'm NOT singing. I am just doing a flying monkey impression," he said.

"Go ahead!" Ironbeak preceded to hop and flap around and make squeaking noises.

"You can . . . uh . . . stop now. NEXT PLEASE!" Matthias dragged himself halfway through the door and then was pushed the rest of the way by Cornflower. "Hi Matthias. What are you trying out for?"

"Boq."

"Sure, go ahead."

"_Let's get down to business  
To defeat the Huns  
Did they send me daughters  
When I asked for sons?  
You're the saddest bunch  
I ever met  
But you can bet  
Before we're through  
Mister, I'll make a man  
out of you_

Tranquil as a forest  
But on fire within  
Once you find your center  
you are sure to win  
You're a spineless, pale  
pathetic lot  
And you haven't got a clue  
Somehow I'll make a man  
out of you

_(Be a man)_

_We must be swift as  
the coursing river  
(Be a man)  
With all the forceof a great typhoon  
(Be a man)With all the strength  
of a raging fire_

_Mysterious as the  
dark side of the moon" _

The author stopped herself from giggling by coughing. "Harumph, well huh very nice. NEXT PLEASE!" Dotti bounded in the room. The author silently groaned. "So . . . well . . . uh . . . Hello Dotti, what are you auditioning for?"

"Oh . . . uh just . . . Elphaba," Dotti said, grinning.

"WHAT? I mean, wow Dotti, you're very . . . uh . . . ambitious. First Elphie today," the author said trying to hide her astonishment.

"They've been scared away by my brilliant singing. And of course I brought my own accompanist . . . the hareccordion!" The author face palmed. "I'll be singin' 'Do Re Mi'." The author face palmed again.

"_Doe, a deer, a female deer  
Ray, a drop of golden sun  
Me, a name I call myself  
Far, a long, long way to run  
Sew, a needle pulling thread  
La, a note to follow Sew  
Tea, a drink with jam and bread  
That will bring us back to Do (oh-oh-oh)_

_Doe, a deer, a...._"

"STOP! I mean, uh, that's quite enough of your wonderful singing." Normally the author would have made an Elphie hopeful sing some other songs for her, but Dotti... well... she was an exception. "NEXT! PLEASE!!" Cluny danced in. He did a timestep and finished with jazz hands.

"I'M AUDITIONING FOR THE WIZARD!" he yelled.

"Why are you yelling? I'm right here!" the author covered her ears.

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Just sing." Cluny began to not only sing, but do the corresponding dance for those of you who unfortunately know what that is.

"_Do the ice cream freeze  
Strike your pose  
Then you do the milkshake  
Shake it shake it down low  
Do the snow cone slide left to right  
Put your hands in the air  
We could party all night  
Do the ice cream freeze (hooo)  
Strike your pose Then you do the milkshake  
Shake it shake it down low  
Do the snow cone slide left to right  
Put your hands in the air  
We could party all night  
(Do the ice cream freeze) Do the ice cream freeze (Do the ice cream freeze) Then you do the milkshake  
Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it (Do the snow cone slide) Do the snow cone slide  
Put your hands in the air  
Go Crazy  
Everybody let's chill" _

"Ok! Nice dance. Umm interesting song choice..." When it came to the singing though, the author couldn't believe she was admitting it, but she would rather listen to Dotti. Maybe without the hareccordion. "NEXT PLEASE!!" Mattimeo sulked in. "Hoping for?"

"Boq."

"Interesting...y'know that's what your dad auditioned for?"

"Yes..." he said, clenching his teeth and tensing up.

"Ok...just sing."

"_The warden threw a party in the county jail.  
The prison band was there and they began to wail.  
The band was jumpin' and the joint began to swing.  
You should've heard those knocked out jailbirds sing.  
Let's rock, everybody, let's rock.  
Everybody in the whole cell block  
was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock.__"You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see.  
I sure would be delighted with your company,  
come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me."__  
Let's rock, everybody, let's rock.  
Everybody in the whole cell block  
was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock._"

Spider Murphy played the tenor saxophone,  
Little Joe was blowin' on the slide trombone.  
The drummer boy from Illinois went crash, boom, bang,  
the whole rhythm section was the Purple Gang.  
Let's rock, everybody, let's rock.  
Everybody in the whole cell block  
was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock.

Number forty-seven said to number three:

"Interesting. NEXT PLEASE!" Let's just say Matti won't be the next Elvis any time soon. Cornflower walked in nervously. "I believe you are auditioning for Glinda?"

"Yes."

"Oh very nice. Sing your audition song and then go sit over there." The author pointed to a section in the seats marked 'GLINDA' where a couple girls sat, one of which was Celandine.

"_Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tearsAnd so you fight to keep from pouring out  
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul  
Do you think that there's enough you might drown?  
If no one will listen  
If you decide to speak  
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode  
If no one wants to look at you  
For what you really are  
I will be here still  
I will be here still_"_Just stay here"?  
If no one will listen  
If you decide to speak  
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode  
If no one wants to look at you  
For what you really are  
I will be here still  
If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down  
If your legs have given out under the weight  
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray  
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate_

No one can take you where you alone must go  
There's no telling what you will find there  
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones  
It's screaming every step,

If no one will listen  
If you decide to speak  
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode  
If no one wants to look at you  
For what you really are  
I will be here still"

"Very sweet Cornflower! Now go sit over there. NEXT PLEASE!" Rose entered. "Ahh Rose! A good singer!" Rose blushed. "What are you auditioning for?"

"Elphaba."

"Great! Sing your song and then sit there." She pointed to a section marked 'ELPHABA'.

"_He drowns in his dreams  
An exquisite extreme I know  
He's as damned as he seems  
And more heaven than a heart could hold  
And if I try to save him  
My whole world could cave in  
It just ain't right  
It just ain't right  
Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautifulSuch a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

He's magic and myth  
As strong as what I believe  
A tragedy with  
More damage than a soul should see  
And do I try to change him?  
So hard not to blame him  
Hold on tight  
Hold on tight

Oh 'cause I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy hysterical  
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle  
Waited so long

_So long_

He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the end he breaks  
He's never enoughAnd still he's more than I can take

Oh 'cause I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster  
He's beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster"

"Oh that was absolutely brilliant! Go sit down." The auditions continued until no one was left. The author had all the 'Glindas' get up and sing and act part of Popular and Thank Goodness. She did the same with the Elphabas and Defying Gravity and No Good Deed. "Now leave and let me cast," she said. The next day the animals got up at the crack of dawn and rushed to the casting list. This is what it said:

ELPHABA: Rose

G(A)LINDA: Cornflower

FIYERO: Martin

MADAME MORRIBLE: Constance

WIZARD: Cluny

DR. DILLAMOND: Slagar

NESSAROSE: Tess

BOQ: Matthias

FATHER: Badrang

MOTHER: Mrs. Churchmouse

MIDWIFE: Sister May

OZIAN OFFICIAL: Redtooth

CHISTERY: Ironbeak

ENSEMBLE:Students:Mattimeo, Dotti, Basil, Tim, Sam, Cheek, Jess, Felldoh, Celandine, Sister May, and Mrs. Churchmouse

Citizens of Emerald City: Cheesethief, Fangburn, Ragear, Scragg, Darkclaw, Killconey, Frogblood, Scumnose, Mangefur

Monkeys: Warbeak, Ironbeak, Mangiz, Captain Snow, Sir Harry the Muse, and Stryk Redkite

Citizens of Oz: All of the above except the monkeys and including Ungatt Trunn.

Guards: Redtooth, Ungatt Trunn, Badrang, and Cheesethief


	3. WHERE'S MY BUBBLE?

"Oh my goodness! I'm going to be the lead part!" Rose gasped.

"WHAT?! Ensemble?! What an insult! They don't deserve such a fatal beauty as old Elphaba! Umph," Dotti cried indignantly. _I sense a fight about to happen_, the author thought to herself looking at Fiyero, Galinda, and Boq.

"Really? I'm going to be Glinda? I...I ...never thought . . . " Cornflower blushed.

"A villain? Whose idea was that?" Constance boomed. The author looked at her friend who was sheepishly grinning at her.

"Uhh Not mine!"

"Wait! Hold on! If I'm Nessa and Matthias is Boq, then . . . EWWWW!!! I have a crush on my father in law! That's just wrong!" Tess squeaked.

"Not in Arkansas it isn't. But you wouldn't understand that. Any way it's called acting," the author laughed at her own joke.

"Eww, eww, and double eww!" Tess whispered. (No, I do not own Cyberchase).

"Oh my God! Am I reading that right? Badrang who, let me remind you, KILLED ME is my father? Are you serious? Well at least I'm not really related to him . . . but STILL!" Rose cried.

"Too bad for you!" the author said.

"But wait . . . my real father is . . . that RAT!!! EWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Eww . . . eww . . . and TRIPLE eww!" Rose screamed.

"SILENCE! Now on with rehearsals. We will be rehearsing No One Mourns the Wicked first. I need citizens of Oz, Glinda, Father, Mother, and Midwife. The delegated people went on stage. "Now I need the flying monkeys." They stepped forward. "Now, act like flying monkeys." Chaos ensued, with feathers flying and a lot of squawking. "STOP! Do this." The author demonstrated. "Better. GLINDA!!!"

"Yes?" Cornflower answered from the wings.

"Get in the bubble!"

"What bubble?"

"The Glinda Bubble!"

"There isn't one back here."

"What? Let me see!" The author stormed backstage. There was no bubble. Just a mess on the floor. "WHERE'S MY BUBBLE??"

"Umm . . . well . . . uh . . . " some sheepish stagehands said.

"WELL?"

"It hasn't arrived yet . . . "

"Oh . . . well then . . . Just pretend Cornflower. Ok! Places everyone!" The ensemble scrambled to their circle. "PLAY THE MUSIC!!" Screams were heard backstage as the music blasted. "Oh it's just the music!" The 'monkeys' swung down and hopped around. The sets moved to reveal a disheveled group with ribbons.

"GOOD NEWS!" The ensemble more shouted than sang. "SHE'S DEAD!!" The author covered her ears. "THE WITCH OF THE WEST IS DEAD!!"

"STOP!" the author screeched using conductor arms. "Please try to sing! Not screech! Again from ensemble!" The ensemble tripped over each other trying to sing.

"Author, who's gonna say, 'Look! It's Glinda!'?" Dotti asked.

"Umm . . . Basil."

"Yippee! Ok . . . Look! It's Glinda!" Cornflower entered doing a Miss America wave in her imaginary bubble.

"Fellow Ozians," she said in a breathy voice. Sam snickered uncontrollably at her opera like singing until his mother cuffed his ear.

"Ok stop. Now, . . . what is so funny Sam?" the author asked impatiently.

"Nuh-nuh-nothing! Haheehaheehee!"

"Ok well . . . anyway now I will assign singing lines. 'No one mourns the wicked', Mattimeo; 'No one cried they won't return', Celandine; 'A good man scorns the wicked', Tim; 'Through their lives our children learn', Sister May, Mrs. Churchmouse, and Jess. Go!" The rest went well enough. Slightly chaotic, but well enough. Badrang fell on his face trying to dance, Redtooth stepped on Mrs. Churchmouse's paws while dancing and the bed didn't come out the right way.

"I NEED ROSE AND MATTHIAS AND TESS! Everyone who's not in Dear Old Shiz, leave!"

"Here!" Rose, Matthias, and Tess waved.

"Ok . . . MUSIC!!" Dear Old Shiz was good, except Cornflower fell off her packages and almost got run over. And Badrang forgot to bring Tess out.

"I NEED MADAME MORRIBLE!!" Constance came out. "Ok! Wizard and I! MUSIC!!" Constance began to sing. When Cornflower pretended to faint, the students around her failed to catch her and she almost fell on her back until Matthias dashed to the rescue.

"PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE!" he thundered. Rose's solo went brilliantly. She was a magnificent singer.

"Ok I need Cornflower, Rose, and the students. Remember, Cornflower and Rose, you frankly . . . loathe each other. You can't stand the sight of each other. Cornflower, you think she's a nerd and a weirdo. Rose, you think she's an annoying, blonde, spoiled brat. And students, you think everything Cornflower thinks and you worship her. PLACES! MUSIC!!" It went well. The loathing looked very realistic. Maybe . . . too realistic . . . and Sam, Tim, and Matti missed their entrance. It was the end of the day's work. Not too chaotic. Yet.


	4. A Ruined Blackboard and a Fight

It was chaos as usual the next morning. After breakfast, the cast assembled for the day's schedule.

"Ok, today we are going from the classroom scene before 'Something Bad' through to the part when Elphaba puts a spell on everyone except Fiyero. Now to begin, I need the students, Galinda, Elphaba and Dr. Dillamond." They went on stage. "Ok. Get on the benches. Wait . . . WHERE'S MY BLACKBOARD??!!" The author stormed angrily backstage. "WELL? DID YA HEAR ME?" The stagehands looked around nervously.

"It . . . well . . . uh . . . " they began.

"WHAT?"

"It hasn't arrived yet . . . "

"WHAT D'YOU MEAN it hasn't arrived yet? I thought you were making it!"

"We were, but then someone messed it up by writing, 'Animals should be seen and not heard' on it," Winifred said.

"IT'S SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT YOU BLUNDERING IDIOTS!!!" the author roared, "GET ME IT AND THEN GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!"

"Abusive," Winifred whispered to Foremole as they rolled out the board. The scene was O.K.... except Slagar didn't know his lines, so he started quoting Shakespeare.

"Uh . . . To be or not to be? That is the question," he said theatrically when he forgot a line.

"What was that, Slagar?" the author said, confused.

"Um . . . I don't know . . . " he said embarrassedly.

"That wasn't the line . . . " the author said with her eyebrow raised.

"I know that," he said. The students giggled. When he came to the next line, he hesitated and then said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose would smell as . . . "

"Slagar! What are you doing?" the author said, annoyed.

"I don't know the line . . . " he said.

"Well you need to learn them," the author said as sweetly as possible.

"I know, I know, it's just, I kinda forgot what part I had at first, then, I forgot to practice, and then I lost my script, and then . . . "

"I DON'T CARE! Now here's a script and you are Dr. Dillamond. Remember that," the author handed him a script. The song, however did not go well at all. Slagar, who didn't know the words, started singing 'Breaking Free' instead.

"We're breaking free! We're soaring, we're flying, there's not a star in . . . " he pretended to sing into a microphone and danced around while Rose stood there staring at him.

"What the *beep* are doing Slagar?!"

"Singing . . . "

"Not the right song!"

"Oh . . . I knew that I was just testing you!" He looked confused. The author facepalmed.

"Next scene!" The scene opened with Boq desperately trying to gain Galinda's attention. It was very hard for the author not to giggle as she saw how annoyed Matthias looked. Cornflower, however, was hilarious as he ignored him (she seemed quite good at it) and got excited as Martin came in being pulled by Felldoh. Martin was surprised at how good Rose was at being mad at him and at how good he was at acting suave. Matthias, however as Cornflower went on got increasingly angry and annoyed.

"Author, is she flirting with him?" he asked angrily.

"Yes. Remember later it's a love triangle." Matthias glared at Martin.

"Stop fussing. It's called acting," Cornflower assured him.

"I know that!" he snapped.

"Don't be so snappy," Cornflower said soothingly. Matthias huffed offstage.

"Hey! Come back! Oh . . . oh well get on with it," the author gave up on trying to stop him. Martin started to sing. (Now I know he can't sing in Martin the Warrior but . . . uh . . . Rose gave him voice lessons . . . sure that's it . . . )

"Author do I have to dance?"

"Of course! The song's called 'Dancing Through Life'! Now DANCE!"

"Ugh . . . Ok . . . " he danced as well as he could.

"Nice Martin! Keep going!" the author encouraged him as the ensemble joined in on the dance. "Something's not right," the author said to herself scanning the stage. "The statue! STOP!!" she realized. "WHERE'S MY STATUE??!!"

"It's . . . uh . . . "

"HASN'T ARRIVED YET?!"

"No, it's over there . . . "

"Oh . . . Bring it on!" After the statue was on stage, the scene could go on. "I NEED BOQ!"

"I'll go get him," Cornflower said. After much negotiation, he came sulkily out.

"Now, get on stage and no more sulking!" the author scolded. He glumly got on stage. Lines were said. Tess made a face as Matthias pushed her offstage. But when Fiyero and Galinda had to sing together, that's when the chaos began. First, Matthias got mad and started sending Martin death threats from the wing. Rose was doing the same to Cornflower. When they came offstage, a fist fight resulted in one wing, whereas extremely murderous looks were sent in another.

"ROSE!!"

"Oh . . . sorry!" She rushed on sending one last ugly look to Cornflower. When Cornflower and her friends came on for the hat giving, there was no hat in the box.

"WHERE'S . . . MY . . . HAT???!!!" the author ran backstage to the props manager, Methuselah.

"Uh . . . I . . . don't really know . . . "

"WHADDA YA MEAN YA DON'T KNOW??"

"Well . . . it was here a second ago . . . let me see . . . " Methuselah dived into a pile of random items.

"Uggg . . . We'll just manage without it." Cornflower and Rose made their loathing really realistic as Cornflower smiled very, very superficially. Then the real chaos began. As the stage transformed into the Ozdust Ballroom, the ensemble came out dancing . . . if you could call it that. It was mostly tripping and flailing limbs about. Then Martin and Cornflower came out. Unfortunately, the script said they had to slow dance . . . and that was not about to go down well with all parties . . .

"WHAT?!" Martin and Rose and Matthias and Cornflower all yelled.

"Yes. Now . . . Matthias stop lunging at Martin! Put him down! Down! Now . . . c'mon guys! In theatre camp, I had to have a crush on this guy and now he goes to my school. Do you know how awkward that is? Now stop your bickering and go slow dance!" The 'romance' didn't look very realistic as Martin was too busy returning Matthias's dirty looks and Cornflower was too busy stopping him from attacking anybody. When it was time for Matthias and Tess to sing, it became . . . well . . . awkward. Matthias said his line.

"No! No! It's because . . . because . . . Because you are so . . . b. . . . beau . . . beaut . . . beau . . . " he stumbled on his words.

"BEAUTIFUL!! It's acting!!" the author yelled. Matthias rushed out the word 'beautiful'. Tess rushed through her solo, becoming more like a beet every second and making faces. "Man these people can't act," the author mumbled as they continued to make faces and Rose and Cornflower were having trouble being friends. The song ended. "Phew." The author wiped her brow. "Now everyone leave except Cornflower and Rose." A bed rolled on stage. "Where's Galinda's bed?" the author yelled backstage, trying to keep her patience. No answer. "I SAID WHERE'S GALINDA'S BED??" she thundered running blindly backstage.

"Uh . . . well . . . y'see . . . " they began.

"It hasn't arrived yet," Winifred finished.

"AGAIN?"

"Yes . . . "

"Ok then. Pretend, Cornflower, sorry." The two mice stared at each other. "Start the scene." It started off looking unreal, but as it went on it got better. Then the song began. Cornflower's mannerisms were perfect as she squealed in excitement during her song. Rose really looked as if she wasn't enjoying this makeover. The song ended with Cornflower looking into an imaginary mirror as Methuselah had failed to get one. "Good! Very nice! Work on the high-pitched ness. Now Classroom Scene!"

The next scene went well with the exception of Slagar. He was still quoting random plays.

"Upon this St. Crispian's Day!" he yelled as the officials dragged him off.

"What the . . . " the author thought. The special effects went horribly wrong. At the point when Elphaba puts the spell on everyone, half of the people forgot to start doubling up with pain. They stood there until the author roared, "YOU'RE IN PAIN STUPIDS!"

"But Martin isn't doing anything," Tim protested.

"He's not supposed to be! That's the point!" the author yelled face palming. "Now stop. That's quite enough for one day!"


	5. An Even BIGGER Fight

Even before the sun was up, people were busy practicing and getting ready. The schedule said they had to get from before 'I'm Not That Girl' to right before 'Defying Gravity'. It was a lot to do.

"Ok, to begin, I need just Fiyero, Elphaba, and Galinda. Now get busy!" The author was trying to avoid another fistfight. "Ok. Martin and Rose you begin on stage with the lion cage. I NEED THE LION CAGE!" the author yelled. There was no action from the props department. "Lion Cage, Methuselah!"

"Uh . . . What?... Oh . . . I fell asleep," he grumbled sleepily.

"Get me the lion cage please," the author said smiling through clenched teeth.

"Oh the lion cage. Lemme see . . . I think I left it here . . . " he dove into a larger pile of stuff.

"Tell me if you find it," the author said as she tried not to attack the old mouse. "Now start." The scene was so extremely realistic and tender that the author almost forgot it was acting. "Oh, that was so sweet!" the author thought to herself as Martin ran offstage. "Ok music!" Rose was perfect. When the music break happened, the author stopped the scene. Checking to see Matthias was nowhere to be seen, she rushed out the placing on the bridge. "Ok thisiswhereFiyeroandGalindacomeoutandkissOkgotitlet'sgo!"

"WHAT?!?!?!" Martin, Rose, Cornflower, and Matthias, who had just walked in at the wrong moment, yelled.

"Yes," the author said nervously, seeing Matthias and Rose lunging toward Martin and Cornflower, "Kiss I know it's wrong and bad and awkward, but it's acting and it's not real. So deal with it!" The author was in a bad position. She was in between the two seething mice and their newfound enemies. Before she could move out of the way, she was caught in-between a huge fistfight. Barely making it out without serious injury, she ran out of the way. "Stop! Stop! Please!" The four couldn't hear her as they were too busy tearing each other apart. "Enough already!" A crowd was gathering to see what the ruckus was about.

"I SAID ENOUGH!! STOP!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. The fighting stopped. "Everyone leave except Rose, Martin and Cornflower." The three mice sat sulking and rubbing their injuries. "Get on with the scene."

Rose sang her solo again. When it came to the moment on the bridge, they were about to kiss when Matthias, who was hiding in the wings, ran out, got in-between them and did the Mr. Ronson to Martin. Punch, punch in the face, kick in the groin. Martin was about to give him a piece of his mind when Cornflower got in between them and shrieked,

"STOP THIS FIGHTING!! IT'S ACTING!! GO IN THE GREEN ROOM MATTHIAS AND STAY THERE! LEAVE! L-E-A-V-E!!!" Surprised at the sudden outburst, he left. The scene went on without anymore maiming. Everything went smoothly right up until One Short Day. The citizens of the Emerald City were Cluny's horde. So you can imagine some of the issues. First of all, they were awful, awful singers and dancers. It was not a pretty sight. They tripped over each other trying to dance and their singing sounded more like the Jonas Brothers singing while on the rack. Rose and Cornflower were having trouble being friendly after the bridge incident. Some of the horde was obviously a bit mental because they were prancing around like girls at a picnic. It was very disturbing.

"Who's the mage/whose major itinerary is making all Oz merrier?" the chorus sang while swaying and doing the can-can.

"STOP! WHAT THE *beep* ARE YOU DOING?!" the author yelled.

"The can-can," Scragg said. The author was afraid he was going to be attacked by Cheesethief. He was grinning evilly in his direction.

"Well don't do it! It's ruining the scene!"

"But it's fun!"

"TOO BAD! Just do what I told you to do!" The scene ended with Rose and Cornflower singing through clenched teeth as they sang about being friends.

"Sharing one wonderful . . . one . . . short . . . " they sung. Silence.

"Uh . . . Redtooth?"

"What? Uh oh sorry, I kinda spaced out for a moment."

"Sing the line again!"

"Sharing one wonderful . . . one . . . short . . . " Silence.

"REDTOOTH!! WAKE UP!!"

"Oh sorry! The Wizard will see you now!"

"DAY!!!"

Then Cluny was supposed to come out with the Oz Head. But there was no Oz Head.

"Where's my Oz Head?" No answer.

"WHERE'S . . . MY . . . OZ . . . HEAD??!!" the author yelled at the top of their lungs.

"Well . . . um . . . I uh . . . "the stagehands began.

"Let me guess. It hasn't arrived yet," the author said sarcastically.

"Yeah . . . " they answered.

"Urgg. Pretend Cluny, pretend," the author grumbled annoyed. Cluny danced in with a top hat on and a cane.

"What the heck are you doing Cluny?"

"DANCING!"

"Well, you're not supposed to be. And why are you yelling?"

"'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?"

"Not really . . . anyway just say your lines." Cluny then started yelling his lines so loudly, that Cornflower and Rose had to cover their ears to stop any permanent damage.

"Cluny, they can hear you. You don't need to yell," the author tried to tell him in a voice you would use on a three- year- old.

"BUT I'M PRACTICING MY THEATRICAL VOICE!" he screeched.

"Well, you don't need to. Just say your lines normally," the author, who didn't want to be deaf after this, said. Cluny kept yelling, but not quite so loudly and sang very badly. Very badly. And the yelling didn't help things. And he was tap-dancing through it. The author didn't even bother commenting. Methuselah couldn't find the Grimmiere, so they had to pretend. Constance did not look happy next to Cluny. It went ok until they had to move the sets to reveal the flying monkeys. The only way to do that was on the Oz head. But there was no Oz head. The four of them looked at each other until Cluny got the idea of kicking the set. It worked. He yelled to the guards.

"GUARDS! GUARDS! THERE IS A FUGITIVE AT LARGE! FIND HER! CAPTURE HER!" he yelled dancing off. No guards came out.

"Repeat the line Cluny!" He repeated it. Still, no guards.

"GUARDS! WHERE ARE YOU?" the author yelled.

"Oh! Us! Here!" Ungatt Trunn, Cheesethief, Badrang, and Redtooth said running out with some . . . um . . . interesting weapons.

"Oops I forgot to blunt them . . . " the author said to herself worriedly as they ran off stage in the direction of their enemies.

_The kicking of the set because there was no Oz head was a real London incident. I hope you like my story. Please review so I know. Oh and I forgot this for the other chapters! I don't own Redwall or Wicked or any of that of course. Oh and the 'Mr. Ronson' is a looooooong story. . . _.


	6. Gravity is Still the Master and a Prank

The next day was a busy one, with a lot of special effects. The stage manager was testing out the 'flying' mechanism, the lighting manager was testing the lights, and the stagehands were playi-ur I mean-testing the fog.

"I need Elphaba, Glinda, Madame Morrible, Guards, and Citizens," the author said. They got on stage and began.

"Uh . . . Author?"

"Yes?"

"Where's the broom?" Rose asked.

"WHERE'S THE BROOM METHUSELAH?" the author boomed.

"What uh ur? Oh! The broom! Hmm I think I put it here . . . or was it over there?" Methuselah jumped into a pile. After a long time of rummaging, he found it on a table.

"Jesus . . . " the author whispered after he announced his find. "Go!" They began to sing.

"_I hope you're happy . . . right . . . NOOOOOW."_ Then a light shined on where Constance should have been.

"Uhh . . . Constance?" the author said.

"Yes?" she answered.

"Where are you?"

"Oh! Oops!" Constance ran up the tower. "Citizens of Oz . . . " she boomed.

"Oh God! Turn down the volume!" The author put her hands over her ears.

"Sorry!" the manager yelled from his booth. Constance finished. The author sat astonished. Finally! Some good acting! Rose was transforming from the young Elphaba to the more mature Elphaba. She looked vaguely insane. The author liked that. Cornflower looked scared and awed by the transformation. It was perfect.

"Uh Author?" Rose asked.

"Yes?" The author snapped out of her daydream about singing with Oliver Tompsett.

"Did Methuselah find the Grimmiere?"

"Dunno, ask him. I'm tired of yelling." Rose came back a couple minutes later with a beat up book. "What did he do to it?"

"It was in a HUGE pile."

"Oh." Rose began chanting. When Cornflower yelled 'Stop', everyone looked at the author, thinking it was she who had seemingly mad the building shake. The author, who had been spacing out, suddenly snapped out of it. Murmurs of 'Wow' and 'I never knew she had a voice like that' and I thought she was supposed to be quiet!' were heard. "Whoa! Uh . . . Good Job Cornflower!" the author praised.

They continued, their voices soaring as they sang together in harmony. The broom even flew! "It's a miracle!" the author said to herself. But the scene was going too well. And the author had just jinxed it. "Great," she mumbled as she read what she just wrote. They sang with a lot of emotion as Glinda decided to stay.

"_My freeeeeeeind"_ they sang, smiling genuinely as Rose quickly went behind the curtain.

"Ok now, Rose? Are you on the platform?"

"Yes," was the muffled reply.

"Ok! Go!" The platform rose. And then . . . there was a hideous crash. "Oh my God!" The author ran backstage. There was a crowd. Rose sat on the floor dazed. "Are you ok?" The author pushed through the crowd.

"Yes. Just a little shaken," she said, her voice literally shaking.

"What happened?"

"The platform started when I was least expected it and with a jolt. So I fell."

"Oh my gosh, you scared me!" the author said, flustered.

"Where is she? Get out of my way! I need to get through!" Martin pushed through the crowd. "Are you all right? Did you break any bones? Wiggle your toes. Do you need a Band-Aid? Some apple juice? An ice pack?" he babbled continuously.

"Martin, I'm . . . "

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three and . . . "

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" he shouted and flung his arms around her, almost choking her.

"Yes, I'm alive. Now can you let go?" she croaked.

"Oh sorry."

"Continue people! Let's try that again," the author said, going back to her seat in the audience. Rose got on the platform and this time smoothly rose up while singing with such strength it blew the author away.

"_So if you care to find me, look to the western sky!"_ she sang from the depths of her soul. The lights were working, the fog was working, she had the broom, the guards had come out. It was perfect. Until the stagehands went overboard with the fog. It became so thick, you could barely see Rose. Cornflower and the guards were enveloped in it.

"Stop! Where is all this fog coming from?" The author ran backstage, but it was so slippery, she fell. "Guys! Stop the fog!" she yelled, getting back up. "It's thicker than a summer morning in San Francisco!" The stagehands looked around shiftily with their hands behind their backs. "Whose fault is this?!" the author said, shaking with anger.

"Uhh . . . y'see . . . well . . . " they mumbled.

"WHO?!"

"All of us," Winifred said quietly.

"DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK HERE AGAIN!!!" They did the scene again, and this time, everything went perfectly. "Beautiful!" the author beamed, " Now, I only need Emerald City peeps, Madame Morrible, Glinda, and Fiyero." The Emerald City . . . peeps . . . were in front of the curtain. "Go!" They sang. Badly. "Ok now I want Killconey to sing, 'Like some terrible green blizzard, throughout the land she flies!' and I want Darkclaw to sing 'Defaming our poor Wizard' and . . . "

"Wait! Isn't my line sung by a girl?" Killconey said annoyed.

"Yes. Sorry. Cluny didn't have any girls in his horde 'cause he's sexist that way."

"Wait, you're a guy? I thought you were a girl!" Darkclaw exclaimed, disturbed.

"Well, actually I'm a..." Killconey began, but was drowned out by the music. The curtain opened to the officials on the platform. When it was announced that it was an engagement party, the sign didn't come down.

"Where's the sign?" the author asked. Nobody answered.

"WHERE'S . . . THE . . . SIGN??!!" She ran backstage to the unlucky stagehands.

"Uh . . . well . . . um . . . "they mumbled.

"I TOLD YOU TO NOT MAKE ME COME BACK HERE AGAIN!! NOW WHERE'S THE SIGN?"

"It hasn't arrived yet . . . "

"YOU WERE MAKING IT!!!"

"We were, but then someone messed it up by spelling 'Congratulations' 'Congratulotions'." Winifred explained.

"IT'S SUPPOSED . . . TO . . . SAY . . . THAT!!!!!!!" the author roared with rage. "GET ME IT AND THEN GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I KILL YOU!!!!" the author screamed at the very unlucky stagehands.

"We really should talk to the union about this," Winifred whispered to Foremole. Once the sign was up, they continued.

"Now I will assign singing lines. Mangefur, 'I hear she has an extra eye that always remains awake'. Scumnose, 'I hear that she can shed her skin as easily as a snake'. Frogblood, 'I hear some rebel animals are giving her food and shelter'. Redtooth, 'I hear her soul is so unclean, pure water can melt her!'" Mangefur, Scumnose, Frogblood had no trouble.

"_I hear some rebel animals are giving her food and shelter," _Frogblood sang. There was no response.

"Um . . . Redtooth?"

"What? Uh oh I kinda spaced out for a moment."

"Again?"

"Yes." Frogblood sang again. Redtooth stared into space.

"Redtooth! SNAP OUT OF IT!" the author yelled.

"Oh! Sorry! _I hear her soul is so unclean, pure water can melt her!_"

"What?" Martin replied.

"He said that water will melt her," Cheesethief said smugly.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SING 'MELT HER! PLEASE SOMEBODY GO AND MELT HER'!!!!!! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY 'WHAT'!!!!" the author thundered at the very unlucky Cheesethief. He cringed. Whenever Cornflower or Martin even looked at each other affectionately, Rose and Matthias would glare at them savagely. When they had to hug, it was only timely intervention by the author that saved Martin's life.

"Matthias! Stop! I'm not having a repeat of last time!" the author warned. She was not in a good mood. The scene ended.

"I NEED NESSA, BOQ, AND ELPHABA!!" the very unhappy author yelled. "Get in the wardrobe Rose." She got in. "Tess, in the chair. Matthias, push her on." They got ready. "Let's start!" They began. Unfortunately, no one had told Tess that Rose was in the wardrobe.

"Well . . . it seems the beautiful get more beautiful . . . " Rose began. Tess whirled around and screamed. Rose and the author started rolling on the floor laughing. Tess pouted.

"I fail to see what is so funny about scaring a girl to death!" Tess scowled.

"Well . . . heehahee . . . then . . . heeha . . . you're . . . hee a.. failure! Ha hee ha hee haha!" Rose gasped.

"Hee ha! Contin-continue! Heehumuh," the author tried to stop herself from laughing. Rose stifled a giggle as she got in the wardrobe and said her line again. Tess was extra good at being upset with Rose. "We should do this more often," the author said to herself as she saw how more realistic it looked. They were very good actresses. It went great until Matthias had to come in.

"Boq! Boq! Come quickly!" Tess yelled. He did not come out. "Boq!" Tess yelled again. "BOQ!" all three girls yelled.

"Oh! Sorry!" Matthias ran on. Again, things became a little awkward.

"Hold hands!" the author yelled. The two relatives turned and stared at the author open-mouthed. "Well, at least, Tess look like you like him." Tess looked from Matthias to the author and back. "Come on! Both of you look excited, but of course for different reasons." They gulped and tried to look like they were excited. It was better than earlier as Matthias only had to be excited about leaving, which wasn't all that hard. Tess was having trouble coming out of her shell and being angry.

"Tess, you're supposed to be angry," the author said gently.

"I know. It's hard for me, that's all," she said with her eyes cast down.

"Try," the author said. Tess tried to be angrier and more upset. Matthias had been spacing out and when his heart was supposed to be shrinking, he just stood there.

"Matthias?"

"Oh! Sorry!" He started convulsing and it looked like he was having a heart attack and a seizure at the same time.

"That looks really disturbing, Matthias," the author said, raising an eyebrow. Now it looked like he was doing the worm standing up.

"Really?" He also raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Please just look like you're in pain," the author said. He fell back in the chair.

"OWWWWWWWWW!!!! *$#%!*" he howled, jumping straight back up again.

"What?" the three girls asked.

"Who put that pin there?!" he asked, shaking with anger. Tess stifled a giggle. Rose stifled a giggle. Cornflower, who was in the wings, stifled a giggle. "WHO?!" He became more angry as she saw all four girls bubbling with laughter.

"I have no idea," Rose said with what she thought was a serious face.

"Neither do I," Cornflower shrugged.

"I don't know," Tess shook her head.

"URGGG!!" Matthias growled as they fell over each other laughing. "Can we get on with the scene Author?" he said angrily.

"Sh-sh-sure!" the author was beside herself. He scowled so deeply he looked like the author's sister when she was two (she's gonna love me for that). They finished with Tess trying to be dramatic and making faces when she sang, "my sweet, my brave him" and everyone except Matthias trying not to laugh. The author never did find out who did it . . . but a giggling Tess, Rose, and Cornflower trying to soothe a fuming Matthias left her suspicious.

_No, I do not have such anger management issues in case you're asking. :) Oh and I got the idea with Killconey and the questionable gender from a Geico advertisement, (obviously) and from the fact that in some editions of 'Redwall', they refer to him as a he and a she. And this the new chapter six because, well, I just realized I messed up on my order and missed this one out. I'm surprised no one noticed...sorry!_


	7. A Creepy Dance Number

The day started with a lesson in ballroom dancing. Martin was not happy about this.

"Why is it that my character is always dancing?" he asked, "Does he think he's Fred Astaire or something?"

"I don't know. Probably because the Scarecrow does a lot of dancing in the Wizard of Oz," the author shrugged.

"Humph," he grumped. After dancing lessons, they needed Cluny and Rose. The Oz Head had arrived (thank goodness!). Rose started on stage. Cluny tap-danced in. The author face palmed. Cluny was screaming as usual.

"THE REASON EVERYONE COMES TO THE WIZARD! TO GET THEIR HEART'S DESIRE!" he screeched. Rose winced and continued,

"I don't want anything from you," she said scornfully. Cluny began to screech again, but the author stopped him.

"Cluny, please stop screaming. We can all hear you," the author said soothingly.

"BUT . . . BUT . . . I . . . LIKE SCREAMING!" he stuttered and then began to cry.

"Cluny, stop crying. If it makes you happy, yell. I guess," the author said. Rose was trying not to laugh. Cluny began to sing. Loudly. And badly. He started to tap-dance again. The author allowed it this time. At least he was tapping to the beat. But then he began to experiment with jazz. It was a little much, but the author didn't want another outburst.

"A MAN'S CALLED A TRAITOR," he yelled while started to pop and lock, "OR LIBERATOR." He was getting down! The author facepalmed. It was creepy. She looked up. Now he was attempting the moonwalk.

"THEY CALL ME . . . WONDERFUL! SO I AM WONDERFUL! IN FACT, IT'S SO MUCH WHO I AM IT'S PART OF MY NAME! AND WITH MY HELP, YOU CAN BE THE SAME!!" he yelled. And then he started doing _tombe pad de bourree, glissade, grand jete_. It became too much for the author. _He's insulting ballet!_ The author thought.

"STOP! Cluny! You can kind of dance, but no hip-hop or ballet! Ok?" the author said.

"BUT . . . " His lip quivered.

"Ok, ok, ok. Just keep it to a minimum," the author reasoned. Rose stared at him as he was doing _port de bras _while walking with her. It went well. Until the monkeys were supposed to come out. They didn't come out.

"MONKEYS!" the author yelled. They came out and started hopping around a bit. "Fly and jump and stuff! Don't just stand there!" They knocked into each other trying to fly. "Ugg," the author groaned. Martin came in. He and Rose looked very realistic. It was nice. Cornflower was perfect at being heartbroken. She began to sing.

"_I'm not that . . . girl . . . "_ she sang sadly.

"AUTHOR!" A yell was heard backstage.

"Yes?"

"Where's the lantern?" Martin's head peeped from behind the curtain.

"METHUSELAH!! LANTERN!!"

"Uh? Oh ur uh . . . I think it's in here . . . but it might be over there . . . "He dived into a really huge pile. They went on without it. Ros and Martin were so sweet together. The author sighed. It was beautiful. They were blushing, but kept on going. Their voices sounded great together. Everyone watching who was a girl . . . or a girly man . . . sighed.

"How romantic!" Cornflower sighed, glancing at her husband scornfully.

"What is it?" Martin asked.

"Nothing . . . it's just . . . for the first time . . . I feel . . . Wicked!" Rose answered. Every girl and girly man watching sighed very deeply as the two kneeled lip-locked.

"Ewwwwwwwwww!" a little voice said. It was baby Rollo.

"Awwwwwwwwww!" all the girls and girly men squeaked.

"I have to agree with him," the more . . . manly creatures said.

"Ok now I need Cornflower and Rose," the author said, snapping out of her daydream. Cornflower and Rose were so funny as they started to catfight. Martin didn't come in. "Martin?" the author asked.

"There's no rope back here," he replied.

"STAGEHANDS! FASTEN THE ROPE OR ELSE!!" she yelled. The stagehands leapt up and dashed to go fasten the rope. Martin got on and swung. Or at least attempted to. He fell off. Everyone on stage fell into fits of hysterical laughter. Martin, who was fuming, indignantly got back on and tried again, this time succeeding. They continued with the occasional giggle. When Martin was carried off, Rose went hysterical.

"FIYEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" she yelled as loud as she could. She chanted with passion. She was wild. The author was almost scared of her.

"_No good deed goes unpunished! No act of charity goes unnnresented! NO good deed goes unpunished, that's my new creeeeeeed!" _she sang fervidly with a temper. But then she went softly down.

"_Nessa . . . Dr. Dillamond . . . Fiyero . . . FIIIIYYYEEEEEERRRROOOOOOO!!!" _She went from soft to wild and crazy again. "_Was I really seeking good?" _She imitated Cornflower. _"Or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice cold eyeee?" _She imitated Margaret Hamilton with her own twist. She was insane! _"ALL RIGHT ENOUGH SO BE IT!" _she yelled, _"So be it then. Let all Oz be agreed I'm WICKED through and through"_ she said evilly, _"'Cause I cannot succeed, Fiyero, saving you," _she sang in a hurt voice. _"I promise no good deed, will I attempt, to do agaaaiin EVER agaiiiin!" _she sang wickedly. Wildly, she sang her last notes.

"_No Good Deed, will I doooooo . . .agaaaaaaaiiiiiin!!" _She finished by flinging her arms up. The author stood up and cheered.

"Brilliant! Brilliant!" she beamed. Rose blushed. "What a performance!"

_My 'No Good Deed' descriptions are based on the amazing Alexia Khadime. Look her up and you'll see why this is her best song. Almost the end! :( I should add descriptions for Popular . . . I'll see. This is really chapter 7 even though earlier it was chapter 6... I missed out my real chapter 6...:)_


	8. Are the Voices Telling You Jokes Again?

Finally it was an ensemble scene. They got together with their . . . interesting weapons. Some of Cluny's horde had to be relieved of them as a precautionary measure.

"I want Mrs. Churchmouse to say 'Good fortune Witch Hunters!' and I want Mattimeo to say 'Kill the Witch!'," the author said to a disheveled crowd. They got to their positions. The music started. Again they didn't check their volume.

"_GO! AND HUNT HER! AND FIND HER! AND KILL HER!" _they screamed.

"STOP! Stop screaming! You're worse than Cluny!" the author yelled.

"HEY!" Cluny pouted from the wings. They continued. A light shined on where Matthias should have been.

"Matthias!" the author yelled. No answer.

"Matthias!" the author and Cornflower yelled. No answer

"MATTHIAS!" everyone yelled. Matthias shot up the stairs. He began to sing angrily. The ensemble below, for some odd reason, kept talking amongst themselves.

"What are you guys doing?" the author asked.

"Talking about what's for lunch today," Mattimeo answered.

"URGG! Stop! You're supposed to be paying attention to the scene!" the author yelled. They stopped talking and listened. Then they sang and then they left. Only Rose was left on stage. The author jumped out of their skin when crying sounds were blasted.

"Whoa! VOLUME!" she yelled, covering her ears.

"Sorry!" the manager yelled from his booth. Rose was evil! She yelled down the hole. Cornflower tried to be gentle and soothe, but she would have none of it. Then, without warning, and is if on cue, they both started laughing. The author was surprised. "What's so funny?" she asked.

"I-I-I don't-know!" Rose gasped.

"Okaaaaaaaay . . . can we continue?" the author looked at them strangely.

"Ok, sorry about that," Cornflower said, wiping her eyes. They continued the scene, but the emotion wasn't very real as they were smiling the whole time. Finally, they straightened up. When Ironbeak gave Rose the note, she started laughing again. Cornflower followed suit. The author glared at them, even though she was trying not to laugh herself. They straightened up.

"No more laughing!" the author scolded. They tried to continue without cracking up. Rose began to sing. They tried to look sad, but it was kind of ruined when they kept fake coughing to disguise the laughter. Though the author was not about to admit it, she does the same thing all the time. Cornflower started to sing

"_I've heard it said, _giguhum_, that people come into our lives, _uhum_, for a reason, _STOP SMILING AT ME!_ Bringing something we must learn, _haheeha, _and we are le-_e-e_-ed, to those who-who-who _ha ha ha ha ha STOP! _Help us most to grow, if we let them, _ha hee uh um_ and we help them in return. Well I don't know if I believe _ha hee_ that's true, but I know I'm who-who-who _uh hu _I am today, because-because _uh um eh_ I knew you."_

"STOP! Cornflower! Rose! Stop with the laughing!" the author tried to look stern, but really, she was laughing too.

"Sorry," they replied. Cornflower sang the chorus while smiling, which didn't really work. Then Rose began.

"_It well maybe,_ uh uh,_ that we will never meet again, _gigkauh,_ in this life time, so let me say before we part, _STOP IT!!!, _So much of me, is made of wh-wh-_wh-_at I learned from you, you'll be with me, like a h-h-_ha-ha-hand_print on my heart, _hee hee_, and now wh-whatever way our stories end, I _hee-ha _know you have rewritten mine, by being my fr-fr_-frie_-nd." _Rose was trying to keep a straight face, but had to keep clapping her hands over her mouth to stop herself, so the singing was a bit muffled. They kept going with little success. The author was not happy.

"Seriously! Stop!" the author said, "It's getting annoying!" They were singing/giggling together. The two giggling girls stopped and tried to look a little more sad.

"_Beeecauuusee I knew you _ha ha hee hee SORRY, _I have been chaaaaaaannngeedd, _ha hee_, for go-_oo-o-o-oo-_d" _they managed to squeeze out before giving each other a hug and falling over laughing.

"This is going to be a long day if you guys keep doing this," the author warned.

"Sorry, we can't help it," Rose gasped out. A screen rolled out.

"I need the guards and Dotti!" the author yelled. Dotti looked confused.

"Why d'you want me?" she asked.

"You're going to be our Dorothy person," the author said as she placed her guards.

"Oh," Dotti said as she got behind the screen. The melting went fine. Cornflower faked a sniffle and stifled a giggle (hey that rhymed! I'm Dr. Suess!). Constance and Cluny came out, Constance grumping, Cluny chene turning. He was still screaming.

"THIS WAS ELPHABA'S?" he roared while doing a travelling quadruple time step. It was ruining the emotion.

"Cluny! You're supposed to be shocked and sad! How is the audience going to know that if you're tap-dancing?" the author asked.

"I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT!!" he yelled.

"Obviously not . . . " the author mumbled, "Just keep going." He sang (well, sort of sang) his part with more emotion this time. Constance rolled her eyes and growled as she was carted offstage.

"Um . . . Author?"

"Yes?"

"Where's the bubble?"

"WHERE'S THE BUBBLE?"

"Hasn't arrived yet!" was the reply from the wings.

"Ok then. Pretend" Cornflower got in her imaginary bubble clutching the Grimmiere. Martin ran on stage and lifted up the trapdoor. There was Rose. She climbed out. As the ensemble sang, they tried to look sad.

"_Whoooo can saaay if I've been chaaaanged for the better but," _Cornflower sang.

"_Because I knew you,"_ Rose joined in.

"_No one mourns the wicked." "Beeeeeecauuuuuseee I kneeeew yooou," _Cornflower sang as high as she could.

"_I have been chaaaaaaaangggeeeddd" _Rose and Martin ran off.

"_No one mourns the WICKED! WICKED! WICKKEEEEEEEDDDD!!!" _the ensemble shrieked. The curtain closed. The author exhaled for the first time in awhile. Rehearsals were finished! Done! Finally! Now all they needed was organization and costumes. And then . . . the show! Opening and closing night. She sighed at her creation. Chaotic, but slightly beautiful. As Elphaba would say, beautifully tragic.

_Sorry for the wait to update. I've been busy with a show around the corner._


	9. CLUNY TAKE THAT OFF RIGHT NOW!

_I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I know I haven't worked on thi_s _in, like, FOREVER, but I finally summoned up the energy and had the time to get on the computer and type. Sorry about the reeeeeeeally long wait._

It was an exciting day. Creatures were almost bouncing with excitement in Cavern Hole. They were getting costumes today! The rest of the sets were arriving! It was dress rehearsal day! The ensemble was getting costumes first.

"ENSEMBLE! LINE UP TO RECEIVE COSTUMES!" Ambrose yelled into a megaphone.

"Who gave him the megaphone?" Sam asked. The ensemble scrambled, pushing and shoving, into line.

"CUTTER!" Mattimeo sulked accusingly at Redtooth.

"Losers, weepers!" Redtooth stuck out his tongue as he grabbed his costume. Everyone started admiring their costumes.

"It's so shiny!" Mangefur giggled. Jess stared at him weirdly.

"This color is hideous! Doesn't the author know that I can't wear beige?" Sister May complained.

"Stop complaining!" Ironbeak snapped. He had to wear the most ridiculous outfit.

"Why you!" Sister May tackled him.

"Mercy! Please! Stop!" he gasped, shocked at the ferocity of the attack. It took five people to pull her off. The ensemble rushed off to get changed.

"CONSTANCE AND SLAGAR!" Ambrose yelled into the megaphone. They walked up and then headed off.

"CLUNY AND MATTHIAS!" Cluny turned around, did a_ pique arabesque, tour jete, soutenu, _and grabbed his costume. Matthias gave him an odd look and calmly got his costumes.

"TESS AND MARTIN!" Martin almost fainted when he heard he had 6 costumes.

"CORNFLOWER!" She also had six costumes to carry. The pile was so high, she couldn't see over it and almost walked into a wall.

"AND ROSE!" She had five costumes. "AND I THINK YOU'LL BE NEEDED IN MAKEUP!" Ambrose yelled into her ear.

"Geez! You don't need the megaphone! I'm right here! You're worse than Cluny!" she scolded as she walked off.

"HEY!" Cluny yelled from a dressing room. Everyone got in their opening costume.

"I can't walk in this!" Cornflower exclaimed as she attempted to walk down the narrow hall with dressing rooms and departments on either side in her bubble gown to Wigs department.

"I'm losing my manhood every second in these pants!" Martin exclaimed, tugging at his tight pants. "Soon I'll be drinking light beer, and, being in musicals... oh wait, I already am," he glared at the author. She grinned back at him. She continued down the hall. She stopped by the door that said 'Makeup'. Rose was being greenified. Instead of using makeup, which wouldn't really stay on, they were dying her fur. She looked rather peculiar.

Cornflower came out of the Wig Department with a curly blonde wig.

"Try tossing your hair to see if it's secure," the author told her.

"Toss Toss." She tossed the wig and it stayed on.

"Good," the author said busily. Rose came out of the Makeup Department. Everyone gasped, then there were a few snickers. She stuck up her nose as she went to Wigs. She literally bumped into Constance. Constance, who was not one to outburst, screamed like a little girl. Rose did likewise. This went on for awhile.

"Oh it's you! I didn't recognize you," Constance said finally.

"I didn't recognize you either," Rose replied, looking at her wig. After her own wig was secure, it was costume check. Everyone lined up for examination.

"Good, good. Yes, ok," the author mumbled as she walked down the line. Then she came to Cluny. "Cluny, what the *beep* are you wearing?" the author asked. He was dressed in Cornflower's pink Popular dress.

"So that's where it went!" Cornflower exclaimed, "I was looking for that!"

"Cluny, take it off right now. You're messing it up and you're messing up our minds. Now go get in the right outfit," the author said, shielding her eyes from the awful sight. He _saute arabesque, glissade, assemblie, saute arabesque, pique turn, grand jete_-d off to the dressing room, the dress flouncing and bouncing behind him. Everyone shuddered. After passing inspection, they started the dress rehearsal.

Without going into unnecessary detail, which most of we went through already, here are the highlights *cue William Tell Overture*: bad singing, Cluny screaming while doing a _petit allegro_ which by the way would be difficult to scream through, wigs falling off, fist fights, forgotten lines, and people generally constantly spacing out. For a rousing grand finale, Cornflower fell out of her bubble and was caught by Martin, which caused yet another fight in the wings. *cue grand fermata cutoff* Brilliant performance! This made the author feel really confident! Hopefully it would all pull through.

Before the big opening night, the author suddenly became seriously organized. She put props in boxes labeled by character and put in sections within the boxes by scene. Sets were lined up in order of appearance. Everything was tested and re-tested to make sure it worked every time. Wigs were toss-tossed over and over again. Accessories and corresponding costumes were put in garment bags. Everything was labeled multiple times. (This is soooo unrealistic right now) The cast was called for a pep talk.

"Now, you guys have worked so hard these weeks. Not only have you put on a play, you put up with me," the author smiled. "Let me give you a few tips. No matter what happens out there, the show must go on. Make something up. Disguise your confusion. Smile. Pretend nothing's wrong. If you don't show it, the audience won't know it." The author stopped to giggle at her own rhyme, but as no one else did, she moved on. "In my theatre camp, someone said a line that was supposed to be said later on." The author paced up and down the auditorium. "People then started saying lines that came after that. We missed out a big part of the script, but the audience didn't know that because we acted like nothing was wrong. Do the same. Tomorrow, report here at 7 am sharp!"

She dismissed them and sat thinking. She heard a crash. She cringed then sighed. Tomorrow was going to be a loooooooong day.

_Yes! I finished! One more chapter to go and I PROMISE that it will be up much faster than this one was. My excuse? Well, ballet performance, the holidays, school, and I sort of couldn't get around to it. Yeah. Sorry about that._


	10. This Show is So Better Than Twilight!

"AUTHOR LADY! MY COSTUME IS RUINED!!!" someone yelled. Not what she wanted to hear the night of a performance. The author quickly ran down the hall, colliding with several creatures, to the direction of the screams. It came from dressing room B. She entered precariously. She found Slagar on the floor, crying his eyes out. The author would have burst out laughing, but her eyes fell on the crumpled heap on the floor and then to the guilty culprit. Cluny dropped his now empty extra, extra-caffeinated coffee cup and ran past the author out the door. She picked up the costume.

"It's only a little soggy," she said soothingly, though she felt far from soothed.

"It's RUINED! What will I do?" he bawled.

"The show must go on. Put it on and I'll go give Cluny a lecture about drinking extra, extra-caffeinated coffee," she said. She left to go find Cluny. Judging by the hyperactive sounds coming from the closet, she figured she was too late. The caffeine had already kicked in. She opened the closet. Cluny ran out, screaming, skipping, and literally bouncing off the walls like the beginning of High School Musical 2. At least he was in costume.

Avoiding the urge to sing "What time is it? Summertime!", the author decided to check up on the other cast members.

"Good, good, yes, check. LISTEN UP! Everyone who is in costume and ready, head to the black box for warmups," the author announced. She headed down to the end of the hall. The black box was a room with a black floor (that really ruins pointe shoes) and mirrors on one wall. A piano was against another wall and the rest of the walls were covered in black curtains. The creatures assembled.

"I need someone on piano!" the author announced.

"Are you saying you don't play the piano? I thought all musical directors did. Some singing coach," Mattimeo scoffed.

"Ignoring that. Anyone?" the author glared at Mattimeo, "If you really needed to know, I play the flute."

"Why don't you play it then?" he asked.

"Does it look like I have it with me?" the author felt her temper rising. Sensing this, Mattimeo shut up.

"Oh if I must. I'm not very good or anything," Celandine fluttered her eyelashes and sat on the bench. "I'm a little rusty. Don't expect much." She 'warmed up' by playing Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2 by Liszt. The author's eyes widened.

"Isn't that the so-called hardest piano piece in the world?" Rose asked.

"... Yes. But I played an F natural in there somewhere," Celandine trilled modestly.

"It'll be just fine. Start with a scale. Everyone sing along," the author shook her head in amazement. The response was a muffled 'la, la, la' and ended with a squeaking off-key C. "Ugg! Do you people know 'Do Re Mi'? 'Sound of Music'?" the author facepalmed. No one answered. The author popped a CD into a boombox.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" some of the creatures screamed, "I can't STAND this song!"

The author was enjoying this. She sang along.

"Let's start at the very beginning, A very good place to start, When you read you begin with A-B-C, When you sing you begin with do-re-mi," she smiled wickedly at the tormented creatures. "Wait . . . didn't you sing this for your audition song Dotti?" the author asked.

"Oh yeeeeeeeeeeah!! So I did!" she realized.

"Woooooow. WARMUP!!" After some arpeggios and scales as well as rehearsing some songs, they were vocally ready. "STRETCH! Get ready for Dancing Through Life!!" the author yelled out. Some stretched on the barre. Cluny did a very nice _port de bras_ and some strangely flexible splits.

"I can't even get down that far in the right splits! How do you do it?" the author exclaimed.

"I PRACTICED ALL SUMMER!" he yelled, throwing up his hands which caused him to all over. Everyone laughed.

"BUT! But I could sooooo beat you on the left!" she said, crossing her arms.

"PROVE IT!" he said, also crossing his arms and fell over again.

"I will!" The author stretched a little first and then sank into the left splits. She was close to being all the way down. Cluny sank to the same level. The author pushed herself lower. So did Cluny. The onlookers started chanting "Lower! Lower! Lower!" The author obliged, becoming red in the face, her hamstring burning. She was soooo close to the floor. Cluny also went down, breathing heavily. He was also really close. "LOWER! LOWER! LOWER!" The author squeezed her eyes tight. She pushed herself down once more. She was actually in the splits! Cluny gave up and toppled over.

"Ohhhhhh! BEAT THAT!!" the author yelled, losing her dignity. Cluny stuck out his tongue.

"Well, now I've reaffirmed my authority as the author, let's get ready. The show is set to start in half an hour. I'm going to go check on the house, " the author slowly got up off the floor. "I'm soooo going to regret doing that tomorrow in ballet class," she mumbled as she limped off, rubbing her hamstring and hoping they didn't notice.

The theatre doors had opened and creatures were filing in. It seemed every Redwall character ever was coming to see it. And judging by the amount of random minor characters that are mentioned like, "Brother Bob, please get me my glasses," or "Oxnibbler got crushed by the cart, sir," there was a theatre full.

She headed back to the black box for a pep talk. As she entered, they were all chattering and nervously giggling and jumping up and down.

"Ok listen up. Make a circle big enough for everyone. Now I know we've had our problems and struggles, but this time we're not going to fail. We'd BETTER not! Um . . . anyway . . . " She looked around the circle at their awkward looks and glares. "Remember what I told you yesterday. The show must go on. Whatever happens. You guys are going to do fine if you pay attention to what's going on. Listen for your cues. I'll try to help, but I also want to watch. You know your stuff, you just have to do it. Now go out there and do great! Show them what Wicked is made of!!!" Everyone cheered as loudly as possible. The adrenalin was contagious.

"Into the wings! Everyone who is in No One Mourns the Wicked to The Wizard and I, get in the wings! Hurry now! Let's go, go, go!!!" She held open the stage doors and waved them along as they ran cheering into their wings. "Into positions! I'm going out front! You'd better not mess up!" she threatened them.

Once in the theatre, she sat in the very middle 3rd row seat, waiting for the show to start. She sat in between Baby Rollo and Cynthia.

"Ugggg! Hi, Mom? Mommy, I'm thiiiiiiiirrrsssttyyy!! And this stuff on my shoe won't come ooooooofff!!" She was talking on the phone to her mom.

"Where in the world did you get a phone?" the author asked, "And you realize there's a concession stand in the lobby?"

"Shut up person, I'm on the phone," Cynthia snapped. "But Moooooom I want Mixed Berry juice and they only have Fruit Punch! And I want a Happy Meal! Pleeeeeeeeeeease? Yay! I love you sooooooo much Mommy!" She hung up.

"Wow I'm surprised she's getting you anything in that annoying whiny voice. 'Moooooommy I'm thiiiiiiirstyyy'," the author imitated in a high-pitched whine. "And you do realize that there's a concession stand?"

"I heard you the first time! Yeah, but I don't waaaaaaanna get up. And they only have stupid stuff," Cynthia complained. Baby Rollo giggled.

"So cute!" the author squealed.

"So annoying!" Cynthia shrieked. "Why must everyone think you're cuter than me?" she glared at her brother. The author felt a little uncomfortable.

"Don't worry, he grows up to be old and ugly," the author comforted Cynthia. The theatre lights dimmed. The music started.

"This show is already better than Twilight!" Rotnose, who was in the row in front of them, whispered rather loudly to Fleabane, who was sitting next to him.

"Though I can't express how much I agree with you, SHUT UP!!" the author whispered even louder.

So far, so good. The sets were moving, the ensemble was singing, not screaming, and it was enjoyable.

"_Goooood Neeews!_" Basil stepped forward. He put on a theatrical pose. Putting a paw on his chest, he took a deep breath as if he was going to burst into dramatic soliloquy. The author facepalmed.

"Look! It's Glinda!" She let out a sigh of relief. The bubble came out with Cornflower riding in it. Everything went smoothly. Except for the fact that Badrang can't sing for his life and his epic failure was only made worse by the rude gestures and snickers from Clogg and his horde in the audience. No One Mourns the Wicked ended. No disasters . . . yet. *Cue foreboding soundtrack* Rose came out for Dear Old Shiz and the students were correctly in costume.

"Y'know, this would be much better if the Jonas Brothers were in it," Fleabane "whispered" to Rotnose.

"Wow, that's not weird at all. SHUT UP!!!" the author yelled as quietly as one can yell. The Wizard and I was starting. Rose had a youthful innocence about her as she sang. But . . . where was her suitcase?

"Oh . . . my . . . God Methuselah!" the author facepalmed. Rose carried on brilliantly. The author let it go.

"I could so picture this musical with Demi Lovato as the green one, mate," Rotnose told Fleabane.

"Oh my God you two are so annoying! And disturbing! SHUT UP!!"

"_And I'll stand there with the Wizard! Feeling things I've never felt! Though I'd never show it,_" Rose clicked her heels together three times in excitement. "_I'd be so happy I could, MELT!_" she yelled with a big smile, "_And so it will be for the rest of my life, and I'll want nothing else till I die,_" she sang with force and enthusiasm. "_Held in such high esteem, when people see me they will scream, for half of Oz's favourite teeeeeeeeeeam! The Wizard, and IIIIIIIIIII!_" Rose gave it all.

The author got up. She was going to be needed back stage for What Is This Feeling.

"Oh my God these seats are uncomfortable," she whispered to herself.

"What a whiner," Cynthia said to her brother.

"ENSEMBLE! Get in the wings! What Is This Feeling started!"she announced as she walked into the black box. It was chaos. Everyone was fighting, screaming, yelling, or giggling. She tried again. "ENSEMBLE! IN THE WINGS!" No response. "This is getting me nowhere." She grabbed Ambrose's megaphone. "ENSEMBLE!! IN . . . THE . . . WINGS!!!!!!" Everyone scrambled into the wings just in time. "That was too close for comfort," she mumbled as she headed back into the auditorium.

As she sat back down, What Is This Feeling ended and they were in the classroom. _Thank goodness the blackboard is out this time, _she thought to herself. Slagar looked incredibly confused and bewildered.

"Oh great," she mumbled. Something Bad was starting.

"Um . . . dreadful things!" Slagar yelled. "_I've heard of an ox, a professor . . . um . . . in Crocs_?" he looked at Rose, who was stifling a giggle. "_No longer permitted to teach, who has lost . . . all his powers of quiche . . . " _The author facepalmed and hoped no one was noticing the strange song lyrics. "_And an owl in Something Rock, a picker with a thriving crop, Forbidden to . . . eat? Now he only can . . . sleep!_"

"Are those really the lyrics?" Fleabane asked the author. She didn't reply.

"_Only rumors, but still, enough to give laws, to anyone with . . . paws! Something bad is happening in Oz!" _Slagar looked quite pleased he had gotten most of the words that time.

"_Something bad? Happening in Oz?_"Rose looked genuinely worried.

"_Under the surface, beyond the sea, something bad . . . _I mean _baaaaaaaad,_" Slagar did a really bad goat impression. "Sorry, bad."

"Wow that really doesn't make any sense," Cynthia looked puzzled.

"_So nothing bad,_" Rose tried to make up for Slagar's confusion. Silence.

"Oh! I hope you're right," Slagar un-spaced out.

"_Nothing all that bad,_" Slagar did better with Rose singing with him. _"Nothing . . . uber-bad. _I mean _baaaaaaaaaad,_" The audience looked severely confused. "Sorry, bad."

"_It couldn't happen here, in Oz,_" Rose tried to hide a smile.

"Thank goodness that's over," the author breathed a sigh of relief as the sets changed to the set for Dancing Through Life. Matthias looked incredibly embarrassed when he first appeared/was dragged on stage. He was amazingly unresponsive until Cornflower kicked him in the shin. There was a strange pause when Martin was carted on stage.

"Oh for the love of . . . !" the author mumbled under her breath. Martin was genuinely fast asleep. Rose hit the side of the cart with her books.

"WAKE UP!" she yelled extra loudly. Luckily this seemed to bring Martin to his senses. It all went well until Martin had to dance. He was doing fine until the portion of the audience who had practically worshipped and honoured him for their whole life realized he was dancing. A ripple of giggling went through the seats. Martin scowled deeply.

"Hehe, it's that mouse!" Rotnose guffawed.

"He's dancing! You couldn't pay me a million dollars to do that!" Fleabane joined in. Martin's temper was rising. Did they not think he could hear them? Did they? Him? Their idol? Huh? He glared at a few certain members of the audience and carried on. The author whacked Rotnose and Fleabane on the head with a program.

"If I remember rightly, in the Martin the Warrior TV show, you two kinda danced around. So, SHUT UP!!!" The sets were changing into the Oz Dust Ballroom. Matthias was shooting dagger looks at Martin the whole time.

"No! No! It's because . . . because . . . " Matthias took a big breath, "_Because you are so . . . _um_ . . . beautiful . . . _" he sang rather quietly. A couple snickers were heard.

"Oh Boq, _I think you're . . . _uh_ . . . wonderful. And we, _um_, deserve each other. Don't you see this is our chance_," More giggles. "_We deserve each other don't we Boq?_" Tess breathed a sigh of relief. That was over with. Dancing Through Life ended without any problems. Both beds came out. The author could relax.

"Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you . . . my new . . . project!" Cornflower said excitedly.

"You really don't have to do that," Rose said warily. The author knew the exact feeling. Cornflower began to sing childishly with pure blond enthusiasm.

"_You . . . will . . . be . . . _"Cornflower gasped. "_Popular! You're gonna be pop-u-lar!_" She put her hands on Rose's shoulders. Rose put on a face of trepidation. The author remembered her friend giving her a make over and half expecting her to start singing this song. She decided to check backstage. She headed to the black box.

"Everyone from the classroom scene about to happen to One Short Day, in the wings!" she yelled. No one moved. "GET IN THE WINGS OR ELSE I WILL GET CLUNY TO WEAR THE POPULAR DRESS AGAIN!!" A crowd ran by. She headed back to the audience.

"_Youuuuu're gonna grin and bear it! Your new found popularity! _Eeeeek! _Laaaaa la, la-a-a-laaaaa, you'll be popular,_" Cornflower pretended to sing into the mirror and then pointed to the direction Rose ran off. "_Just not __quite__ as popular, as meeeeeeeeeeeeeee_!" The song ended with her looking adoring into the mirror. The author decided to take a trip to the wings.

The wings were crowded with students. They headed on stage. She helped Methuselah, Winifred, and Foremole organize through the classroom scene and I'm Not That she was done, she went back into the audience.

"Hey, you know that new song by Miley Cyrus? I heard it's really cool," Fleabane asked Rotnose.

"I am going to kill you two!!! SHUT UP!!!" the author said angrily. One Short Day was starting. Cluny's horde could not sing for their lives. It was really horrible. The author sat in torture for those minutes.

"_Sharing one wonderful, one . . . short . . . _" the ensemble sang. Redtooth was spacing out. As usual.

"REDTOOTH! SNAP OUT OF IT!" Cheesethief yelled and gave him a kick that sent him sprawling. The audience roared with laughter. Except the author, who was fuming.

"The Wizard will see you now," Redtooth managed before he passed out.

"_DAY!!!!!_"

The Oz head didn't come out. The author ran blindly backstage. Meanwhile, Cluny was standing there in 5th position.

"HELLO!" Cluny yelled, stalling time.

"Hello," Rose and Cornflower answered.

"SO, YOU'VE COME TO THE WIZARD I SEE," he tried to make conversation. Backstage, the author pushed Winifred, Foremole and their helpers out of the way.

"Out of my way you idiots," she snarled. The head wouldn't budge. She settled for pushing it on stage. Hiding behind it, she pushed it on. The scene went on as normally as possible. Cluny began to sing.

"_I AM A SENTIMENTAL MAN. WHO ALWAYS LONGED TO BE, A FATHERRRR,_" His singing was horrible. "_FOR I AAAAAAAM, A SENTI-MENTAL, MAAAAAAAAAN_," He finally ended. The author unplugged her ears. The scene ended and the author pushed the head off. In a huff, she went back to her seat in the audience.

"_I hope you're happy! I hope you're happy now. I hope you're happy how you hurt your cause foreveeer! I hope you think you're cleveeerrr!_" Cornflower scolded.

"_I hope __you're__ happy! I hope you're happy too. I hope you're proud how you would grovel in submission to feed your own ambition!_" Rose countered.

"_So though I can't imagine hooooooooowww, I hope you're happy, right nooooooooowwww!_" they sang together. Cornflower then tried to be tender and soothing. But Rose wouldn't have it.

"_But I don't want it. No! I __can't__ want it, aaaannyyy mooooooorrrreee,_" Rose stepped forward. "_Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the ruuuules of someone else's game._"

"Best song lyrics ever!" the author said to herself.

"_Too late to go back tooo sleeeeeeep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes...and leeeeeeeeaaaap!_"

"Also best song lyrics ever!" she said to herself.

"Shut your gob, lady! You're disruptin' the show!" Fleabane turned around harshly.

"_And you can't pull me doooooooooowwwwwn!_" Rose looked excited.

Cornflower tried to change her mind. "_Can't I make you understand, you're having delusions of grandeuuuuuurrr?_"

"_I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're sooooo. Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never kn-nooooow!_" Rose sang with major excitement and force. Everything went like rehearsed. Except the broom didn't fly.

"No! Not when we were going so well!" the author facepalmed. She looked up. There was an awkward pause. Then the broom lifted up. "Thank Goodness!" she sighed.

"_Just you and I, defying gravity! With you and I defy-ing graviiiiityyy, they'll never bring us down,_" they sang so nicely together.

"_I hope you're happy in the eeeeeeeennnnndd. I hope you're happy. My frieeeeeeennddd,_" Rose headed backstage. The author held her breath. The guards came out.

"Let go of her, she had nothing to do with it! I'm the one you want! It's me Elphaba! IT'S MEEEEEEEE!" The author couldn't look. By the gasp from Baby Rollo next to her, she hoped it worked. She looked up. Yes! She was flying!

"_As someone told me lately, everyone deserves the chance to FLY!_ _And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying freeeeeee! To those who ground me,_" Rose sang almost mockingly, "_Send a message back, from meeeeeee, tell them that I'm defying gravity! I'm flying hiiiiigh, defyyying gravity, and soon I'll match them in reeenowwn,_" Rose brought the broom down, pointing it at the audience. "_And nobody, in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring, me, dooooooooooooooowwwwwn!_"

"Yes! The first act is almost over without any major, major disasters!" the author whispered to herself.

"_Ah-ah-ah-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!" _Rose's voice rang out.

"_DOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWN!" _Rose brought the broom down, then twisted and pumped it up on the last beat. The stage went black.

_First act is done! See, I said this one would be faster! Stay tuned for the last chapter. :( Ah, well, I have a good idea for another fanfiction, so my fun is not over quite yet! _


	11. Grand Finale

_Umm, so I could come up with a million excuses why I didn't update for like 5 months, but they probably would be lame. To tell the truth, I just lost interest and didn't know what to do with Thank Goodness because it's basically a plot moving machine. And I wanted to write a different story but told myself I wouldn't put it up until this one was finished. So here it is, finally. Hope you enjoy! Oh and by the way I had to abridge some stuff so the chapter wasn't like 20 pages long._

"FINALLY! Oo! Mom's here with my food!" Cynthia leapt up from her seat and headed down the row to the stairs.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" the author motioned to Rollo.

"No."

"That's nice. Well, I'm going to go check on the cast. Stay here Rollo and DON'T WANDER OFF!" the author scolded as she walked off to the black box. As she opened the door to the backstage area and walked down the hall to the black box, she was bombarded by several cast members dashing down to change costumes. She entered the black box which was full of either extremely tired or extremely hyper creatures. She gathered them around for a discussion.

"Alright everyone, you guys did. . ." she gulped, "Wonderful!"

"WONDERFUL! THEY CALLED ME WONDERFUL!" Cluny yelled out.

"Uh, very nice. Anyway, for Act Two, just remember to act natural and you'll do great! I've got to go now! Break a leg!" the author yelled behind her before closing the door.

She headed back to the audience. The second act was about to start. Cynthia was munching away at a Happy Meal.

"Hey where's Rollo!" the author asked, seeing the empty seat next to her. Cynthia shrugged.

"I would go look for him, but the show is starting. You go do it, Cynthia," the author said.

"No way! I'm eating!" Cynthia said.

"You're really nice," the author scoffed. Before she could say anything further, the music started. The backdrop rose to reveal the ensemble.

"_Everyday more Wicked! Everyday the terror grows! All of Oz is ever on aleeeeert!_"

"_Like some terrible green blizzard throughout the land she flies!_" Killconey sang.

"_Defaming our poor Wizard with her calumnies_ _and lieeees! She lieeeeeees!_"

"What is going on? I forgot what happened before the intermission," Rotnose scratched his head.

"The green one flew and yeah," Fleabane described with luscious language.

"Oh yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah."

"SHUT UP!"

"Fellow Ozians, as terrifying as terror is, let us put aside our panic for this one day... and CELEBRATE!" The curtain parted and there was Cornflower, Martin, and Constance on a structure.

"Celebrate good times, come on!" Fleabane started to do the Macarena.

"Urggg... SHUT UP!"

"_THANK GOODNESS!_"the ensemble sang.

"_Let's have a celebration the Glinda way!_"

"_Thank goodness!_"

"_Finally a day that's totally wicked-witch free!_" Constance sang from the platform.

"_Thank goodness!_" all the ensemble sang together.

_Uh time for a swift author's note. The next few bits of dialogue are probably wrong because it's hard to tell what people are saying in fuzzy Youtube videos and I don't own the script. Did you think I was THAT obsessed? Anyway, back to our feature presentation._

"Today must be a very special day for you Glinda!" Constance announced in a tremulous voice, "and for your handsome swain, the new captain of the guard!" The ensemble applauded. "You've been on the forefront of the hunt for the Wicked Witch, haven't you dear?"

"Uh well I don't think of her as a Wicked witch," Martin stepped up to the microphone.

"Sir!" Constance interrupted. "How does it feel?"

"Frustrating. But I became Captain of the guard to find her and I'll keep searching until-"

"Oh and being engaged!" Constance yelled into his ear. It took a while for him to regain hearing.

"CONGRATULOTIONS!" Cluny's horde screamed as loud as possible. The author held her breath waiting for the sign to come down. It did, but with a crew member hanging for dear life on top of it. Normally, she would of laughed, but performances always made her a major perfectionist.

"Grrr. . ." she clenched her jaw together.

"This is an engagement party?" Martin asked, bewildered.

"Surprised?" Cornflower asked.

"Yes. . ." Martin answered.

"Good, we thought you would be, the Wizard and I." Cornflower walked up to the microphone. "_We couldn't be happier, Right dear? Couldn't be happier, right here. Look what we've got, a fairytale plot, our very own happy ending. Where we couldn't be happier, true dear? Couldn't be happier, and we're happy to share, our ending vicariously, with all of yoooooou. He couldn't look handsomer,_ _I couldn't be humbler, we couldn't be happier. Because happy is what happens, when all your dreams come true!_"

"Ohhh and Glinda dear we are happy for you. As Press Secretary, I have striven to insure that all of Oz knows the story of your braverism. How vividly I remember. . ." Constance began singing extremely loudly. _"The day you were first summoned to an audience with Oz, and although he would not tell you why initially. When you bowed before his throne, he decreed hence be known, as Glinda the Good officially!_"

"That's not how you explained it to me," Martin said to Cornflower while trying to unblock his ears.

"Well, no not exactly but-" she tried to explain.

"_Then with a jealous squeal! The Wicked Witch burst from concealment. Where she had been lurking. . . surreptitiously!"_ The crowd gasped in horror.

"_I hear she has an extra eye that always remains awake!_" Mangefur sang.

"_I hear that she can shed her skin as easily as a snake_!" Scumnose sang.

"_I hear some rebel animals are giving her food and shelter_!" Frogblood sang. There was a strange silence.

"Seriously Redtooth, again?" the author tried to control herself.

"Oh yeah! _I hear her soul is so unclean, pure water can melt her!_" Redtooth shook himself out of the daze.

"What?" Martin asked

"_MELT HER! PLEASE_ _someone go and melt heeeeer!_" the ensemble sang back at him.

"Do you hear that? Water will melt her? People are so empty-headed they'll believe anything," Martin said before storming off.

"Fiyero! Oh. . .he's just gone to fetch me a refreshment. He's so thoughtful that way," Cornflower said heartbrokenly.

"_That's whyyy, I couldn't be happier. No, I couldn't be happier. Though it is, I admit, the tiniest bit, unlike I anticipated. But I couldn't be happier. Simply couldn't be happier." _she paused for a moment. "_Well - not "simply", 'Cause getting your dreams, it's strange, but it seems, a little - well - complicated. There's a kind of a sort of , cost. There's a couple of things get, lost. There are bridges you cross, you didn't knooooow you crossed, until you've croooooossed! And if that joy, that thrill, doesn't thrill you like you think it will, still - With this perfect finale, the cheers and ballyhoo, who wouldn't be happier? So I couldn't be happier," _she sang unhappily, close to tears, "_Because happy is what happens, when all your dreams come true. Well, isn't it? Happy is what happens, when your dreeeeeeams cooooome truuuuuuue!_"

The ensemble came into action. "_We love you Glinda if we may be so frank!_" "_Thank goodness! Todaaaaaaaaaaay!"_ The lighting changed and a wardrobe came out. Matthias came out with Tess in the wheelchair. After he left, there was a voice from the wardrobe.

"Well it seems the beautiful get more beautiful," Rose's face appeared in the mirror. "While the green just get greener." She came out. "Sorry did I scare you?" I seem to have that affect on people."

"What on earth is going on?" Rotnose asked. "I can't follow this plot! I need Bert and Ernie to come on and explain it to me like in Elmo in Grouchland!"

The author shuddered at the vision of the evil Muppet chicken that haunted her dreams when she was 3.

"Father's dead," Tess said. Rose backed up, shocked. "Well what did you expect? After he learned how you disgraced us! He died. Of shame, embarrassed to death," Tess continued accusingly.

"Good. I'm glad," Rose said.

"That's a wicked thing to say!" Tess yelled. The author nodded in approval.

"No, it's true, because now it's just us! You can help me and," Rose tried to persuade Tess.

"Oh Elphaba, shut up!" She looked around. "I can't harbor a fugitive, I'm an unelected official." She turned accusing. "And why should I help you? You fly around Oz, helping animals you've never even met and not once have you ever thought to use your powers to rescue me!" She began to sing coldly while wheeling toward Rose menacingly.

"_All of my life I've depended on you, how do you think that feels? All of my life I've depended on you and this hideous chair with wheels! Scrounging for scraps of pity to pick up, and longing to kick up my heeeeels," _Tess motioned toward her feet.

Rose pulled out the Grimmiere and began chanting. Tess looked on in fascination and horror. Then, she began to stand up and shakily walking. They were both overjoyed.

"_I've done what long ago I should. Finally from these powers, something good! Finally, something good,_" Rose sang. Tess sat back down in her chair and beckoned Matthias.

"You!" he said when he entered and saw Rose. She tried to convince him she wasn't going to hurt him. He explain how he and the Munchkins were being stripped of their rights when Tess showed him that she would walk.

"_Uh, Nessa, surely now I'll matter less to you and you won't mind me leaving here tonight,_" he sang while awkwardly somewhat holding her paws.

"Leaving?" Tess said in disbelief.

"Yes! _That ball that's being staged, announcing Glinda is engaged to Fiyeroooo,_" he continued.

"Glinda!" Tess said heartbrokenly, turning to Rose for comfort.

"_Nessa that's right. And I've got to go appeal to her, express the way I feel to her. . . _I lost my heart to Glinda the moment I saw her, you know that."

Tess turned to him angrily. "Lost your heart? Well we'll see about that! _Did you think I'd let you leave me here flat? You're going to lose your heart to me I tell you! Even if I have to, have to, magic spell you!_" She collapsed next to the Grimmiere and began chanting. Rose tried to stop her but it was too late.

"My heart. . .it feels like it's. . . shrinking!" Matthias fell back into the chair and screamed like a little girl as he sat on the pin that had been left there from the dress rehearsal that had rolled back when Tess stood up. Rose and Tess tried to stifle giggles. The author tried to stay seated. "Uh. . . um. . . IT BURNS! AHHHH!" He tried to cover up the incident.

"_Save him please, just save him, my-_" she gulped, "_poor Boq, my sweet my brave him. Please don't leave me till my sorry life has ceased. Alone and loveless here with just the girl in the mirror, juuuuust me and her. Wicked Witch offfff the Eeeeaaaasssttt! And we deserve, each other,_" she sang sadly. Rose tried to leave, but Tess wouldn't let her.

"I've done all I could for you and it hasn't been enough. And it never will be. . ." Rose said scornfully as she whirled her skirts before running off in a whirlwind of black.

Matthias awoke and stumbled off stage in his Tin Man costume with Tess yelling back at him "IT WAS ELPHABAAAAAA!" Chills went down everyone's spine. The author decided it was time for a visit backstage.

"Everything good back here?" she said as she opened the stage door.

"Yup. Oz Head's working, Cluny's out here, it's all good," Winifred said.

"Great. See ya later," she said heading back out.

"_I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS, OR PLANNED IT IN ADVAAAANCE! I WAS JUST BLOWN HEEEERE BY THE WINDS OF CHANCE! I NEVER SAW MYSELF AS A SOLOMON OR SOCRATES! I KNEW WHO I WAS! ONE OF YOUR, DIME A DOZEN, MEDIOCRITIES. THEN SUDDENLY I'M HERE! RESPECTED, WORSHIPPED EVEN! ALL BECAUSE THE FOLKS IN OZ! NEEDED SOMEONE TO BELIIIIEEEVE INNNN! DOES IT SURPRISE YOU, I GOT HOOKED AND ALL TO SOOOOOOON. WHAT CAN I SAY? I GOT CARRIED AWAAAAAY AND NOT JUST BY BALLOOOON!_" The author was surprised Cluny didn't pass out from lack of air. Though his singing was piercing and off-key, at least he wasn't dancing. Yet.

"_WONDERFUL! THEY CALLED ME, WONDERFUL! SO I SAID WONDERFUL, IF YOU INSIST!,_" He began dancing a tap routine, starting slow and building up like the music. "_I WILL BE WONDERFUL, AND THEY SAID WONDERFUL! BELIEVE ME IT'S HARD TOOOO RESIST! CAUSE IT FEELS WONDERFUL, THEY THINK I'M WONDERFUL, HEY LOOK WHO'S WONDERFUL! THIS CORNFED HICK! WHO SAID IT MIGHT BE KEEN, TO BUILD A TOWN OF GREEN, AND A WONDERFUL ROAD OF YELLOW BRIIIIICK!_" He skipped down his imaginary yellow brick road. The author just facepalmed. "YOU SEE, I NEVER HAD A FAMILY OF MY OWN, SO I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO GIVE THE CITIZENS OF OZ EVERYTHING!" he yelled in Rose's ears.

"So you lied to them?" she said, subtly rubbing her ears.

"ONLY VERBALLY! AND BESIDES IT WAS THE LIES THEY WANTED TO HEAR! Um, wait what was your name again? Wait for it, wait for it. . ." he scratched his head thoughtfully.

"Cough cough, Elphaba, cough cough," The author coughed extremely loudly.

"OH YEAH! ELPHABA, WHERE I'M FROM, WE BELIEVE IN ALL SORTS OF THINGS THAT AREN'T TRUE. WE CALL IT, HISTORY. _A MAN'S CALLED A TRAITOR,_" he pretended to hang himself, "_OR LIBERATOR!" _he pumped his fist in the air, "_A RICH MAN'S A THIEF OR PHILANTHROPIST!_" he spun around in a circle. "_IS ONE A CRUSADER?_ _OR RUTHLESS INVADER? IT'S ALL IN WHICH LABEL, IS ABLE TO PERSIST!_" he began to dance a gangster hip-hop routine. Somehow, vaudeville and hip-hop don't go together. "_SO THEY ACT AS THOUGH THEY DON'T EXIST! THEY. . .CALL. . .ME . . . WONDERFUL! SO I __AM__ WONDERFUL! IN FACT IT'S SO MUCH WHO I AM IT'S PART OF MY NAAAAAAME! AND WITH MY HELP YOU CAN BE THE SAAAAAME!_" Then he turned to Rose and took her broom and leaned it against a set.

"_AT LONG, LONG LAST, RECEIVE YOUR DUE LONG OVER DUE. ELPHABA, THE MOST CELEBRATED, ARE THE REHABILITATED! THERE'LL BE SUCH A WHOOP-DE-DO! A CELEBRATION THROUGHOUT OZ, THAT'S ALL TO DO WITH YOOOOOOU!_" He tried to get Rose to do dance with him, but instead ended up skipping around her in a circle. "_WONDERFUL! THEY'LL CALL YOU WONDERFUL!_"

"_It does sound wonderful!_" Rose reluctantly admitted.

"_TRUST ME IT'S FUUUUUN!_"

"_When you are wonderful, it would be wonderful! Wonderful, wonderful,_" they sang together.

"ONE! TWO! AAAAANNNDD!" Cluny and Rose began ballroom dancing, but it soon progressed into a Swan Lake style _pas de deux_.

"Hey that looks like the _pas de _doo I did last week in my partnering class," Fleabane remarked.

"Whoa! You take ballet? As much as I admire that, it's called a _pas de_ duh," the author corrected him. Back on stage, Cluny was too concerned on making sure that their fish dive was held as long as possible than setting any monkeys free.

"Uh Cluny, we need to get on with the show!" Rose whispered.

"I know, I just thought we could do it in this position," he whispered back.

"How are you and I supposed to get off stage at different times? And we can't act like this and it's painful," Rose said.

"Ugg fine," Cluny let her get down. The audience was throughly confused. Cluny set the monkeys free and Rose went to discover Dr. Dillamond from under the blanket. Thankfully he was there. Martin entered with the other guards. Rose whirled around.

"Fiyero!" she exclaimed. Martin told the other guards to leave.

"Fiyero, you frightened me! I thought you might have. . .changed," Rose said.

"But I have changed," Martin put down the gun he was pointing at Cluny and walking toward Rose.

"What's going on?" Cornflower said as she entered. "Fiyero are you out of your mind? What are you doing?" She turned to Martin. He stood there staring at Rose.

"I'm going with her," he said.

"What are you trying to say? All this time, the two of you behind my back," Cornflower said, choking up.

"No! No it wasn't like that!" Rose tried to explain.

"But it was, it was," Martin stepped closer towards her. "But it wasn't." He stepped back reassuring Cornflower. Then they ran offstage.

"_Don't wish, don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart. There's a girl I know, he loves her so, I'm not that. . . girrrrrrrrl,_" Cornflower sang, pretending to be in tears. The music turned more passionate.

Bryony, who was seated nearby, groaned, "Oh goodness, I read the book and there was this part where– "

"Whoa stop right there! Unlike the book, this musical is PG," the author said.

"Thank goodness for that!" she sighed.

The set had turned into the Great Gillikin Forest. Martin and Rose sat in the stage right corner._"Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tiiiight. I need help believing, you're with me tonight. My wildest dreamings, could not foresee, lying beside you, with you wanting meeeee_," Rose sang, "_Just for this moment, as long as you're mine, I've lost all resistance, and crossed some borderline. And if it turns out, it's over too faaaaast, I'll make every last moment last, as long as you're miiiiiiiine."_

"_Maybe I'm brainless, maybe I'm wiiiiise. But you've got me seeing, through different eyes. Somehow I've fallen, under your spell, and somehow I'm feeling, it's up that I feeeeell!_" Martin joined in.

"_Every moment, as long as your mine, I'll wake up my body, and make up for lost time_,_" _they sang together.

"_Say there's no future, for us as a paaaaaaiiiiir,_" Martin sang alone.

"_And though I may know, I don't caaaaaaare! Just for this moment, as long as you're mine, come be how you want tooooo, and see how bright we shine! Borrow the moonlight, until it is throooooough. And know I'll be here, holding yooooooooou, as long as you're miiiiiiiiine_," they sang.

"What is it?" Martin said.

"Nothing, it's just, for the first time, I feel. . .Wicked," Rose said. Then she heard a strange sound. "It doesn't make any sense. It's a house. But it's– flying through the sky! I have to go to Nessa!" And she ran off.

The set changed to a cornfield where Cornflower was waving off some unseen travelers. "Oh Nessa I'm sorry," she knelt to the ground.

"What a touching display of grief," Rose said, appearing from the cornfield.

"I don't believe we have anything further to say to one another," Cornflower said, turning away from her.

"I wanted something to remember my sister by, and all there was were those shoes! And now that wretched farmgirl has walked off with them!" Rose said angrily.

"And with that, you just lost me. Why don't they explain what's happened like in the Electric Company?" Rotnose asked.

"SHUT UP!" the author growled.

"Oh Nessa, please forgive me, please," Rose said kneeling as Cornflower did. Cornflower knelt next to her.

"I know how dreadful it is to have a house fall on you, but accidents will happen," Cornflower said. Then they began to argue.

"Well what have you been doing besides flying around on that filthy broomstick?" Cornflower said accusingly.

"Well we can't all come and go by bubble!" Rose sneered.

"Lots of us are taking thing that don't belong to us," Cornflower said to Rose's conspiracy theory.

"Now you just wait a clock tick! I know it may be difficult for that blissful blond brain of yours to comprehend that someone like him could actually choose someone like me, but it happened!" Rose yelled back. "He never loved you!" That's when Cornflower slapped her. Rose just cackled.

"Feel better now?" she asked menacingly.

"Yes I do," Cornflower replied.

"Good," Rose said as she slapped her back. Then they walked around in a circle holding up their broom and wand defensively. Cornflower wildly swung her wand around. Then they went in, pulling hair and hats and crowns. Guards entered trying to pull them apart.

"Let me go! I almost had her!" Cornflower yelled. Martin came in on his rope with his. . .

"Wait, is that. . . his sword?" the author leaned in. The audience roared with laughter. The author smiled. Why hadn't she thought of that?

"Let the green girl go," he said, pointing the sword at the guards. "Or you'll have to explain how the Wizard's guards watched as Glinda the Good was slain." He pointed it at Cornflower. Rose ran off and the guards closed in on Martin. He dropped the sword and was carted off to the cornfield for interrogation.

"FIYEROOOOOOOO!" the two girls voices melded into one. Rose began trying to find a spell to save him.

"_Eleka nahmen nahmen, ah tum ah tum, eleka nahmen! Eleka nahmen nahmen, ah tum ah tum, eleka, eleka, AH!_" she chanted. Frustrated, she slammed the book shut. "_What good is this chanting?I don't even know what I'm reading! I don't even know what trick I ought to tryyyy! Fiyero, where are you? Already dead, or bleeding? One more disaster I can add to myyyyyy generous supplyyyyyyy?_" she walked upstage and then suddenly whirled around_. "No good deed goes unpunished! No act of charity goes unresented! No good deed goes unpunished! That's my new creeeeeed! My road of good intentions, led where such roads always lead! No good deeeeeeed, goes unpunisheeeeeeeeeeeddddd!_" she sang loudly and angrily, but then came down on the 'punished'. "_Nessa. . . Dr. Dillamond. . . Fiyero,_" she sang softly and sadly, reaching out. Then the music grew again. "_Fiyeeeeeeeeroooooo!_ _One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention. Was I really seeking good? Or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are, when looked at with an ice-cold eye? If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason whyyyyyyyy!" _she backed up and flew her cape out menacingly.

"_No good deed goes unpunished! All helpful urges should be circumvented! No good deed goes unpunished! Sure, I meant well -Well, look at what well-meant diiiiiiid!_" she came back into to the softer lights. "_All right, enough - so be it!_," she yelled,_ "So be it, then. Let all Oz be agreed, I'm wicked through and through, since I can not succeed, Fiyero, saving you, I promise no good deed, will I attempt to do agaaaaaain, ever agaaaaaaiiiiin! No good deed, will I dooooooo agaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiin!_" she sang wildly and on the last note, turned and flung her arms up in the air. Next there an angry mob appeared.

"_Go! And hunt her! And find her! And kill her_!_ Go! And hunt her! And find her! And kill heeeeeer_!"they sang, waving their weapons. "_Wickedness must be punished! Evil effectively e-li-minated! Wickedness must be punished! Kill the Witch!_"

"And this is more that just than just a service to the Wizard! I have a personal score to settle with Elph- with the witch!" Matthias as the Tin Man appeared on the balcony_. "It's due to her I'm made of tin, her spell made this occur. So for once I'm glad I'm heartless! I'll be heartless killing her!_" The crowd cheered. Matthias tried to pull the 'Cowardly Lion' out of a door. "_And the lion also has a grievance to repay. If she'd let him fight his own battles, when he was young, he wouldn't be a coward todaaaaaaay!"_

"Kill her! Kill the witch!" the crowd yelled.

"No that's not how it happened! Madame we've got to stop this, it's gone too far!" Cornflower tried to tell Constance.

"Oh I think Elphaba can take care of herself!" she replied.

"_Wickedness must be punished! Brave Witch-Hunters, I would join you if I could! Because Wickedness must be punished! Punished! Puniiiiiisheeeeed! But gooooooood!_" they sang running off, leaving behind Rose pacing back and was the sound of somebody crying and Rose lifted a trap door.

"Oh I can't stand it any longer! You want to see your Aunt Em? Or your uncle. . .what's his name again–– well take those shoes off your feet!" she screamed down the hole. She continued to pace, talking to herself. "Insolent little brat. . . Who takes a dead woman's shoes? Must of been raised in a barn!" Ironbeak entered like demons were chasing him, squawking and cawing the place down. The author thought she heard giggling and Ironbeak swearing under his breath. Then Cornflower came running in trying to convince Rose to let Dorothy and her little dog 'Dodo' go.

"You are out of control! I mean they're just. . .shoes. . ." she looked dreamily of in the distance, "Let it go!" Rose remain harsh. Ironbeak came on stage a little more dignified this time, handing Rose a decided to surrender.

"Promise me you'll never try to clear my name," she asked Cornflower. "_I'm limited. Just look at me - I'm limited. And just look at you, you can do all I couldn't do, Glinda._" she sangsadly. Then she handed herthe Grimmiere. "_Because now it's up to yooooou. For both of us - now it's up to yooooou. . . _You're the only friend I've ever had," she said.

"And I've had so many friends. But only one, that mattered," Cornflower said sadly. "_I've heard it said, that people come into our lives, for a reason. Bringing something we must learn, and we are led, to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true. But I know I'm who I am today, because, I knew_ _yoooooou,_" she sang softly standing next to Rose. "_Like a comet pulled from orbit, as it passes a sun. Like a stream that meets a boulder, halfway through the wood. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good._"

Rose began to sing. "_It well may beeeee, that we will never meet again, in this lifetime. So let me say before we part, so much of meeee, is made of what I learned from yooooou. You'll be with me, like a handprint on my hearrrrt. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have re-written mine, by being my frieeeeeeeeend,_" She pointed out into the distance. "_Like a ship blown from its mooring, by a wind off the seeeea. Like a seed dropped by a skybird, in a distant wooooood. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you_," She turned toface Cornflower.

"_Because I knew you,_" Cornflower replied.

"_I have been chaaaanged for good._" they sang together.

"_And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness, for the things I've done you blame me foooor,_" Rose turned away.

"_But then, I guess we know, there's blame to shaaaaaare_," Cornflower turned her back.

"_And none of it seems to matter anymooooooooooooore!_" their voices soared in harmony.

"_Like a comet pulled form orbit– like a ship blown from its mooring– as it passes a sun– by a wind off the sea– like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through– like a seed dropped by a bird– in the woooooooooooood_." The choruses mingled and blended on the last note. "_Who can saaaaaaaaaaaay_," they held the note, "_If I've been changed for the better. I do believe I have been changed for the better. . ._" The author thought she saw a glimmer of tears in both of their eyes.

"_And_ _because I knew you,_" Cornflower sniffed.

"_Becaaause I knew you,_" Rose sang.

"_I have been chaaaaaaaaaanged. . . for good_,"they smiled and sang and they hugged for the last time.

"Hide yourself!" Rose said, dodging behind the screen as the ensemble sang solemnly. She screamed and 'melted'.

"Oh Elphie," Cornflower got up and took the hat, hugging it close.

"Miss. . .Glinda?" Ironbeak came up and handed her the green bottle. A light shone on Clun_y_ and Constancediscussing things. Cornflower walked up to them, holding out the green bottle to Cluny.

"This was Elphaba's. It was her mother's. I've only seen a little green bottle like this one other time. And it was right here in this room. You offered me a drink from it," she said scornfully.

"O . . . M. . .G . . ." Cluny said taking the bottle and singing loudly as usual, "_I AM A SENTIMENTAL MAN. WHO ALWAYS LONGED TO BE. . . A FATHER!" _

"I want you to leave Oz. You better get your balloon ready!" Cornflower said as he wandered off. Then she turned to Constance. "Madame have you ever considered how you would fare in captivity?"

"What?" Constance said.

"Captivity. Pri-son. Personally I don't think you'll hold up very well. My personal opinion is that you do not have what it takes. I hope you prove me wrong. I doubt you will. Take her away!" The guards came to take Constance away while the opening of the musical played again, but this time with the celebrants behind the backdrop. Cornflower's bubble came down. A scarecrow came out on stage, wandering until he found a trapdoor. He opened it and up popped Rose.

"Fiyero?" she said. He pulled her up.

"_No one mourns the Wicked. Now at last she's dead and gone. Now at last there's joy throughout the laaaaand_," the ensemble sang softly, coming on stage.

"Fellow Ozians– friends– we have been through a frightening time. And there will be other times and things that frighten us. But if you'll let me, I'd like to try to be. . .Glinda. . .the Good," Cornflower said up in her bubble.

"_GOOD NEWS! Good news. . ._" the ensemble sang first loudly, then softly.

"It's time to go," Martin said.

"I only wish Glinda could know," Rose said.

"No, she can't know. Not if you want to be safe," Martin replied.

"_Who can saaaaaay if I've been chaaaaanged for the better, but,_" Cornflower sang sadly.

"_Because I knew you,_" they sang together.

"_No one mourns the wicked. . ._" the ensemble sang.

"_Becaaaaaaause I knew yooooou_," Cornflower sang.

"_I have been chaaaaaaanged. . .No one mourns the WICKED! WICKED! WICKEEEEEEED!_" Martin and Rose ran off and the ensemble sang wildly. Then, the curtain fell. There was a standing ovation. The cast and crew came out for bows. Everyone in the audience was standing, thrilled. The author just smiled.

Afterwards, she said good bye to everyone and headed home. How you ask? Teleportation, duh! Anyway, she sat down at her computer, opened Word, and began to write.

_Ok it's a bit of a cliched ending, but who cares? It works. Anyway, I'm glad to have this project off my shoulders. I hope you somewhat enjoyed this story. My cast was pretty bad I realized but when I first started this story, I had only recently become obsessed with Redwall again and had only read like 4 and a half books. Now I've read like nine, so yeah. And I read the Wicked series. But anyway, thanks for reading!_


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